Livin' on a Prayer
by RexUnplugged
Summary: MALEC. Due to an unfortunate 'accident' Alec has lost 2 years worth of memory. He has no clue who he is, or was. All the things he has done are catching up with him, whether he remembers them or not. Can he restore the shattered pieces of his memory before it is too late? (Rating for violence, language, mentions of drugs and rape, and lemons, but there is major fluff too!)
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic so please be nice!**

**Disclaimer: if I owned the Mortal Instruments, I'd have more money than I do now.**

Alec's P.O.V.

"Alec, come ON! You said you'd be down in five minutes, _ten_ minutes ago," my ever so annoying little sister yelled up the stairs.

"I'll be down in a sec, just got to put some shoes on!" I yelled back. Truth to be told, I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. Hurriedly, I jumped out of bed and ran over to my wardrobe. When I opened it, I couldn't tell which clothes were t-shirts and which were jeans seeing as all of my clothes were black and all looked the same in the dark wardrobe.

After finding and putting on an ensemble of black, loose fitting clothes and the pair of tatty trainers that I wore every day, I raced down the stairs to meet a very pissed off looking Izzy at the front door, with one hand on her hips and the other holding a very expensive looking, red handbag. We were going to _school_, not a fashion parade. But I had to admit, she really did look stunning in her "school clothes", however uncomfortable I was with her wearing such tight clothing. She wore a small crimson coloured skirt that barley covered her butt with a black jacket, perfectly fitted to her curves, fish-net tights and a pair of black high-heels. Her face was heavily painted with make-up: bright red lip-stick and a enormous amount of eye-liner and eye-shadow, amplifying her dark eyes. And on top of all that, her carbon black hair cascaded all the way down her back, and framed her angular face.

"Well you took your time! This is our first day of school, at a _new_ school, and I don't want to be late" she huffed, flinging her hair over her shoulders as she opened the front door. She turned back and said "Mum left out some pancakes for us before she left for work. I ate yours."

I just rolled my eyes and followed her outside to the car, which was sleek, black and posh, like most of the things my rich family owned. Our mum, Maryse, insisted on buying us a fancy car because she wanted us to make a good impression. I don't know if she actually thought that people made friends by having posh cars, but I didn't. I din't even want to make any friends, unlike Izzy who was ecstatic for the new car and getting attention, which judging by her outfit, she wanted very much.

Even though Izzy and I look very similar- jet black hair and angular cheek bones- we were almost completely the opposite in personality. She was loud and forthcoming, loving attention, while I was quiet and preferred sulking in the shadows to being in the spotlight. She tried her best to amplify her looks, but I tried my best to cover them up with baggy clothing and hair that fell into my eyes, as if I was hiding from something- or hiding _myself _from something. I didn't know what I was hiding from though...

Once we arrived at the school, I was surprised at how many people were around, all in clusters or gangs, chatting with each other, sitting on the walls that surrounded the spaced out class rooms. As we made our way through the car park- after Izzy's horrendously wonky parking- I saw many people casting envious, surprised or sly glances at us- well, either at Izzy, or the car. My sister just smiled as if she was in a beauty pageant and strode through the crowd, me lagging behind her, completely outshone by the brightness of her presence. She turned heads, while my choice of clothing probable turned stomachs.

Once we received our timetables, she turned to me and said sternly "Be careful. Stay away from potential trouble."

I nodded. Wasn't I the one supposed to tell her to stay out of trouble? Well, compared to me she has been in very little trouble recently...

Izzy was already talking with a group of people, and eventually disappeared into whatever class she had, leaving me all alone wondering where Geography was. Eventually I found it, but I was ten minutes late. I blush heavily as I walked into the classroom, feeling twenty or so pairs of eyes on me as I explained to the short old lady with a mono-brow- who was my Geography teacher- why I was late.

"Well half of this class are new, and they managed to come to class on time," she barked at me with an annoyingly nasal voice. "Arrive this late again and I'll be giving you'll be in Friday detention. Now, take a text book and sit down."

I heard the class snicker quietly as I made my way to the back of the class. _Thank God_ I thought to myself. There was one last table on the back row, right in the corner where hopefully no-one would notice me further more, after I practically announced my arrival to this class.

Geography was hell- the teacher was actually _worse _than she seemed, if that was even possible. And on top of that, she was a mono-tone (speaking on one pitch all the time) so it became extremely hard to not fall asleep on the desk. I kept my head down for most of the class, avoiding the backwards glances in my direction by letting my hair fall forwards into my eyes, which only made the room darker and easier to fall asleep-

I jumped as the bell rang loudly, snapping out of my sleepy state. I packed away my bags and sprinted out the classroom before anyone had the chance to stand up. Relieved to get out of that hell-hole of a geography lesson, I looked down at my timetable. _Art_. That wasn't too bad. So God had decided to be merciful after all- no kid should have to sit through a lesson _that _boring.

I was early for art, which was even worse. I entered the classroom- greeted by a young looking female teacher wearing a paint splattered apron- and the seats were all empty, so I didn't know were the hell to sit. I eventually decided to sit in the corner at the back of the class. As the rest of the class flooded in, no-one seemed to take any notice of me, until...

Just as I thought the class was full- the only spare seat being next to me- a person, well I _thought _he was a person, strode into the room. Almost everyone's eyes were on him, including mine; I felt my jaw hang open. He was so _sparkly. _His dark hair was all gelled up with glittery gell, that caught the light and made him look almost like a disco ball. His eyes sloped slightly, so I knew he was part Asian, and were caked in eye-liner and glittery eyeshadow. He wore very tight, dark green skinny jeans that looked like they were tattooed on, and a top that perfectly emphasized the slim muscles in his torso. What amazed me most was the colour of his eyes. They were a beautiful swirl of green and gold, surrounding a slitted iris. _He looked like a cat_, I thought for a second. He had a silent, panther-like grace to his step. I was mesmerised just by the way he walked- and he was walking strait towards me.

As his gaze met mine, I quickly looked down to my hands, my hair falling into my face again. He sat down in the chair right next to me, so close that I could smell him. _Sandalwood? _I thought. _Yes, he definitely smelled of sandalwood._

The teacher started talking about the class assignment. We were to get into partners and make three portraits of that partner, each one with a different style. The first one had to be pencil, but the other two styles we could chose ourselves. There was no-one to my right, only the sparkly guy to my left. I raised my head to look at him, and my eyes met his stunning green ones. He grinned at me, flashing his pearly white, perfectly shaped teeth at me. _His smile didn't seem fake_ I thought, surprised.

"So," he purred, leaning over to me. "Looks like we're going to be spending a lot of time together." He raised an eye-brow at me, still smiling.

"Um, er, i-if you d-don't want to, I c-could work o-on my own," I stammered, making his brilliant smile wider as I blushed.

"Awww, aren't you sweet," he cooed. "Of course I want to work with you sweety. I would be honoured to paint those gorgeous blue eyes of yours! The colour is simple exquisite." I noticed he had a British accent, with a hint of something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I blushed even further, making him chuckle to himself.

The lesson went on, the teacher still talking about- well I wasn't really paying attention. Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see _him. _I didn't dare look strait at him, afraid that he would think I was weird and decide not to do the assignment with me, even though I was weird.

Once the teacher had stopped talking, to let us start planning our portraits, _he _turned back to me and said "I saw you earlier in geography." That was odd, I didn't remember seeing him there. How could I miss someone like _that? _

"Really? I d-don't r-remember."

He flashed his brilliant smile at me again. "Just because you can't see me behind that hair of yours, doesn't mean that I can't see you. Ya know, if you think that hiding like that is going to stop people from noticing you, you're wrong. 'Cause I must say, you look very sexy like that. Very few can pull off the dark and mysterious look like you can."

I would have said something, but the words seemed to be stuck in my mouth, as if I was tongue-tied. _Did he just call me sexy? _How could someone like him call _anyone_ sexy? He was too sexy for that.

"Well? Aren't you going to tell me your name blue eyes?" he demanded. "Or am I just going to have to make one up for you? I think Bernard-"

"Alec," I said quickly.

"Short for Alexander?"

I nodded.

"That's a very nice name," he praised. "Suits you actually," added thoughtfully.

After a few moments, I asked "So what's y-your name?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" he teased. I nodded vigorously and he gave me a prudent look.

"Magnus," he finally said. "Magnus Bane."

**Really hoped you liked it! I am open for suggestions and reviews, so don't hesitate to PM me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanx for the reviews, they really put me in a better mood to write in!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada. Zilch. No-ting.**

Magnus P.O.V.

Alexander was so cute! With his adorable blush, and his eyes- his _eyes_! They were the most wonderful colour: blue, but not a cold harsh blue. They were a warm shade of blue, like a calm ocean that would swallow me up if I looked into them for too long. Shame he always covered them up with his raven black locks- he really needed a haircut.

"Mags. _Magnus_!" a voice broke me out of me daydream. "Have you been listening to a word I just said?"

My best friend, Ragnor, gave me an annoyed look. "No," I replied sheepishly.

"Well, listen now. There's this _super_ hot girl in my chemistry class. Her name's Isabelle Lightwood. She is so hot..."

I zoned out again. Zoned out of his voice, the murmuring buzz of the cafeteria as all the students collected their lunch, and my mind managed to find its way back to Alexander. I rested my chin on my hands and let out an enormous sigh.

_Ugh! _What am I doing? I don't have crushes on people! People have crushes on _me._ I don't swoon over introvert, shy boys. I don't even know if he's gay! He was just too hard to read. He barely looked at anyone- but me. But any mortal soul would look at me, so that doesn't count.

Suddenly a high-pitched female voice interrupted my thoughts- again. "Hey Ragnor!"

"Hey Izzy!" Ragnor answered.

Isabelle had long black hair, and was wearing a beautiful ensemble of short, tight-fitting clothing, and make-up that make her almost-black eyes pop. I could see why Ragnor was drooling over her. She also looked very familiar for some strange reason...

Her gaze met mine, and she looked me up and down- not is a condescending way, but in awe, her mouth hanging open. I smirked at her.

"Hello...?"

"Magnus."

"Hi Magnus!" the bright smile appeared on her face again. "You look_ amazing_ by the way. Could you come shopping with me someday..."

"Er... sure-"

"Come, sit next to me," Ragnor interrupted, patting the empty chair beside me.

"Sorry, I'm sitting with my brother and a couple of his friends over there," she said, gesturing over to a table in the far corner.

Three people were sitting there: Jace Herondale, the golden boy who got fifty love hearts on valentine's day, was captain of the football team and was the most popular boy in the school. But he gave that up long ago, for his girlfriend. His girlfriend was sitting next to him, Clary Morgenstern, the art-crazy kid with bright red hair that was always kept in low hanging bunches. It baffled everyone- including me- as to _why_ Jace was going out with her. She had a terrible fashion sense in fact, she had none at all. She always wore a paint splattered skirt and top, as if she expected the school to design her clothes for her. But then again, she was a nice kid, friendly with almost everyone. The third person who sat opposite them however...

It suddenly snapped into place; Isabelle's brother was Alexander. _That _was why she looked so familiar.

"Bring them over here, there's plenty of room for all of us," I said quickly, surprising myself.

"Sorry, they're leaving, like, now... we'll sit with you next time!" she said, ending in a bubbly voice,

"See ya later babe," Ragnor called as she walked away to her brother and his "friends".

"Told ya she was hot!" he grinned.

"Uh-hu," I mumbled, my eyes following Alexander as he stood up from his chair. "I... need to go."

"You didn't even touch your pizza!" Ragnor exclaimed, then he looked to where I was looking. "She's mine ya know."

"No offence, but she is _way_ out of your league," I replied flatly, turning away from him.

"You're _gay_," he yelled at me, and a few amused faces turned round to look at us, not that they didn't know that I was gay- even a blind man could see that.

"That's not strictly true," I retorted. "I'm bi."

"Everyone knows you like boys better."

"Look, I'm not after Isabelle! You can have her, but I don't think she'll ever let you get your hands on her."

"Well I can try," Ragnor huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, scowling up at me.

I simply rolled my eyes and walked out of the cafeteria in the direction that I had seen Alexander go in. I didn't know why I was following him- I felt like such a stalker! But I felt a clenching feeling in my stomach when I saw him; my eyes were like magnets that were always drawn to him. I wanted to know _everything_ about him. Where he lived, all about his family, if he liked cats (if he didn't, I'd make him re-think his answer), what his favourite food was, what his favourite place was, where he wanted to go, where he wanted to live, what his favourite subjects were, his hopes and dreams, his favourite music, his dream job... yeah, I'm turning into a stalker.

Eventually I found him standing alone in the almost empty hallway, looking very focussed on his lesson time-table, his raven-black hair falling across his face. I noticed that he wore very loose fitting, dull-coloured clothing, and a pair of trainers that had turned the colour of mud that suggested he did a lot of sport. Running perhaps? But underneath the clothes, I could tell that he had muscles. If only I could just see them more clearly...

I walked towards him, then using a surprised voice- mildly surprised so he wouldn't think that I cared too much, but surprised enough that he wouldn't think that I've been stalking him- I said "Alexander! What a pleasant surprise! I didn't expect you to be here."

He looked up at me with those captivating eyes, a startled look crossing his face.

"W-well, my locker i-is here." _Shit! Why did I just say that? _I thought, silently kicking myself. "And why d-do you call m-me Alexander? Only my mother c-calls me that..."

"Well if you don't like it, you'll just have to learn to live with it. And I always get my way," I wiggled my eye-brows at him. "And when I say always, I mean _always._" I was then rewarded by that adorable blush of his, spreading across his marble-like, pale skin.

"Um... I-"

"What lesson do you have now?" I cut in.

"M-maths I think."

"I have biology now- but I can walk you there," I grinned. "You seemed to need help finding our geography class."

"Er, I think I know w-where i-it is-"

The school bell rung, signalling the end of lunch and cutting him off mid-sentence. I wish it hadn't, I enjoyed hearing him stammer! If it was someone else, I maybe would have thought that it was weak, stammering like that. But Alexander was different. Different_ how? _That was a question I had yet to answer. And why he was affecting me so much? I had no idea._  
_

**Hope you liked it! Please tell me about gramar or spelling mistakes that I may not have picked up on, that would be great! Please reveiw and make suggestions.**

**Hasta la vista baby!**

**Rex**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I've been updating really fast recently, but don't expect me to keep it up... If I don't update for long, please don't hate, or I won't update _ever again! _(Just kidding). You show me some love, and I'll show you some updates! **

**Disclaimer: Ich besitze nicht die Mortal Instruments Serie. (German, hee hee!)**

Alec's P.O.V.

When I told Magnus that I had maths, I lied. Actually I didn't lie about having maths, but I lied about going there. I told him that I had to make a quick phone call and once I heard his footsteps disappear as he walked along the corridor, I looked back, just to check if he was still watching me- _who was I kidding? _He wouldn't be watching me. Even though he was gay (it was pretty obvious) he wouldn't be interested in someone like me. I was just me, and he was... Well- him. Besides, I'm not gay. At least, I don't think so. I...I haven't fancied a girl before, along with all the other kids my age. Maybe I was a late bloomer...? _Yeah right, a late bloomer by _eight _years._

Ok, I'm gay. I may have a little crush on Magnus, but that doesn't change anything. I'm still in the closet, and it's gonna stay like that. Anyway, who wouldn't have a crush on Magnus?_ Ordinary boys, maybe. _It doesn't mean anything. _Does it? _I'll grow out of it. _Will I? _

The annoying voice in the back of my mind kept questioning everything I thought. Great, now I'm arguing with myself.

The corridor was now completely empty, and now without the constant chatter of voices and the click of footsteps, I could hear the lights above me buzzing, submitting a dim, orange-y color into the hallway. I took a moment to take the scene in: a boy, all alone in an eerie corridor. I felt my pulse quicken; someone could be watching...

I had to get out of there. With my back-pack slung over one shoulder, I sprinted out the double doors that exited the school, and I felt a warm blast of air blow my hair out of my face. I took in a long breath, and exhaled, trying to calm my pulse down again. _No-one's watching you. Don't be silly,_ I told myself. But there was plenty of room behind the wall ahead of me. If someone knelt behind that I wouldn't be able to see them- _OK, now you're just being plain stupid. Remember what Dr. Starkweather said: you control your thoughts, not the other way around. _

Once I managed to calm down, I found a shady, dry patch on the grass-bank just outside the school and sat down and opened my back-pack. I rummaged around inside it until I found what I was looking for: a sketch-pad and a small, cardboard box containing sticks of crumbly, worn-down charcoal. I couldn't afford proper charcoal pencils. The charcoal I had was some stuff that I stole on a school trip in 4th grade (yes, I stole a lot of charcoal). I placed the tip of the largest piece of charcoal that I had on the paper and drew. I didn't think about what I was drawing, I just let my mind wonder and sure enough, my thoughts calmed down again. Soon, I was a "normal" state of mind, but I didn't want to go back to school just yet. And I needed an excuse for sciving mathe...

Once I finished my handy work, I took a second to admire it; I had drawn a man, his face was in shade and he wasn't looking directly at the viewer, so it was difficult to perceive what emotion he was portraying. A pair of black, feathery wings sprouted out of his back in a fountain of black swirls, snaking around the edges of the paper.

I heard the bell ring in the distance and I jumped up, quickly stuffing the sketch-pad and charcoal into my back-pack, and ran back inside to my last lesson of the day, PE, which I didn't really mind, seeing as I was pretty good at running. But if we were swimming, now that's a totally different story. I'd probably... drown.

The boys changing rooms stank like hell. And I thought that the ones at my old school were bad. But the ones at my old school held memories, and these ones didn't so I could put up with the revolting stink of body odor. Soon, I found my locker, which was right in the center of a long row of lockers. If you think that for a gay guy it would be quite nice changing in a room full of boys- some more appealing that others- but you are_ wrong_. I just felt so embarrassed for some reason. I ended up feeling like girl changing in a room full of boys. _Get a grip Alexander, you're gay, not a person with a gender identity disorder._

Long story short, I chickened-out and changed in the shower. I then went to find the coach and ask what we were doing, but my eyes fell on Magnus as he was changing; he was pulling his t-shirt over his head so slowly, as if he knew that I was behind him and was teasing me. I then noticed that he was talking to someone- that someone had slightly paler skin than Magnus and didn't have the same Asian tilt to his eyes, but their hair was the same scorched brown color. _Who was he? Family? Friend? Best friend? Boyfriend? _I felt a pang of jealously go through my chest. I didn't know why, I'd only talked to Magnus, I don't know... twice? And I was already jealous of him talking to someone else. _Talking with them_ w_hile he was getting changed. While he was half-naked. _

Once I managed to tear my eyes away from Magnus' perfectly smooth, slightly-muscled back, I found the bored looking coach and thankfully, we were doing cross-country which was one of my strengths.

The coach took us up to the massive field just behind the school, and barked "Twice round the field, then follow the path through the woods, and come back again. If you don't complete it, you get a detention. If you walk, you get a detention. If you complain, you get a detention. If you're slow, you get a detention. Got it?"

All the boys nodded, and mumbled "yes sir"._  
_

After the first lap, I noticed that I was out in front of the herd of boys running round the field, so I slowed my pace slightly, allowing a few of them to over-take me.

When the track ended -me finishing fourth- the boys were all flushed, sweaty and breathing heavily, and so was I. My feet were throbbing, and my body ached all over. I looked around, searching for Magnus (for some reason), and when my eyes found him, he wasn't sweaty and out of breath like the rest of us. I found myself staring for a long time, and he eventually looked up and saw me looking strait at him, a grin spreading across his face. I blushed slightly, but I was too tired and achy to feel embarrassed and look away. Instead I trudged wearily up to him. "Howda-you...howareyou...not...tired?" I asked, gasping between words.

His grin widened. "That, darling, is for me to know and you-" he tapped me lightly on the nose before stage-whispering "-will never find out!"

I laughed mirthlessly, then said once I got my breath back. "No, really, how are you not out of breath? You were at the back for the whole time..."

"Well done! You managed to say something to me without stammering!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together.

I gave him my best death-stare, which must have worked because he finally gave in. "OK, I'll tell you... I hid behind this fallen down tree at the beginning of the path through the woods, and then I took a short cut, and then joined the back of the group when you came back. Happy?"

I looked away. "I'm not _un_happy," I said sulkily.

"OK," the coach barked. "Hit the showers, that was a good run. Only three detentions were given. A personal best..."

"Where is that person you were t-talking with e-earlier?" I suddenly asked as we walked back to the school. I couldn't help it, I was _dying _to know.

"Oh, you mean Ragnor?" I looked at him blankly. "Skinny, tall like me... dark hair..."

"That's 'im."

"He got a detention for hiding behind the tree at the beginning," he chuckled to himself. "He now has to finish the course."

"And you _didn't_ get caught?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"What can I say?" he said, spreading his arms wide. "I'm too amazing to get into trouble. Plus we swore that if one of us got caught, we wouldn't snitch on the other."

We finally arrived at the changing rooms and we parted ways. But as I was changing, I saw him from across the other side of the room, watching me get changed. I blushed, even though I wasn't the one getting caught for staring. He smiled, innocently at me and gave me a little wave.

Then I thought,_ maybe he did like me..._

**Hope that was OK! Please review! Reviews make the my world go round...**

**Rexxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know there has been a lot of Malec fluff recently. But it won't go on forever though...;) This chapter is fluffy, but I promise I'll stop if I'm boring you to death- unless of course you _don't _want the fluffiness to stop. I know I don't want it to stop. I don't want to put these characters in pain, but it must be done:(  
**

**Sorry this was a day late, I usually post every day, but this chapter was quite hard to write. I had to get the timings absolutely perfect.**

**Disclaimer: You know what I'm gonna say.**

Magnus' P.O.V.

"So, what's his name then?" Camille suddenly demanded, completely out of the blue. We had previously been discussing whether women preferred superman to spiderman- I know, a weird topic of conversation. Camille's mother was a close friend of my family and I had known Camille nearly my whole life. We did date a little- OK, a lot. But that was before I discovered my preference for boys over women. She was kind of an experiment, but she didn't mind, being the colossal whore she was. Anyway, we dated about three years ago.

"What?" I squeaked in an embarrassingly high voice. "I'm not-" I noticed that I was yelling, and we were sat by the window of some café, both of us with a cup of coffee gripped in both hands. I lowered my voice. "What do you mean, 'what's his name'? What's _who's_ name?"

She scoffed. "Don't play dumb with me, Magnus Bane. I know you like someone- I've never seen that look on your face before. What else could it be? You're not ill, as far as I can tell. No one's died, or I'd know about it. You're not looking at Chairman Meow..."

"I could be thinking about him though," I pointed out. "With his cute little face, and his cute little tail, and cute little whiskers-"

"Ok ok ok ok," she rolled her greeny-hazel eyes, framed by long curved lashes. She was very pretty, with natural white-blond hair that curled round her shoulders. Long ago I would have found her attractive in a more dirty way... "But come on! Aren't ya gonna spill? Will I ever get to meet him? Now I really regret leaving you all alone in that school, I don't get to see whose company you're enjoying besides mine!"

"His name is..." Camille batted her lashes at me as I paused. "Alexender. And I really don't know much about him. Hell, I don't even know if he's gay. I think he is, but that could just be my imagination. And if he is gay, he is so far back in the closet he could see Narnia."

"Aww, it's not like you, crushing on a closeted guy! He must be really good looking-"

"He is," I agreed. "He's got black hair, and the bluest eyes I've _ever_ seen. _Ever._"

"I _have _to meet him! He must be really sexy to get you going. And if he turns out _not _to be gay, I may have my way with him..."

"No. Alexander is _mine,_" I snapped at her. "And if he isn't gay, I'll just have to convert him."

"Sure you will."

"Yeah, I will! Ya wanna bet?" I stood up, slamming my finished coffee down on the table.

Camille put her mug down as well. "No, I won't bet. I know that when you want something you get it," she said in a surprisingly submissive tone. "But how are you going to lure this _Alexander_ out of the closet, huh? It may not be as easy as it seems."

"It's actually not as difficult as it seems."

"We'll see about that!" she gave me a smile -whether it was sarcastic or not, I didn't know- and picked her bag up. "Until next time Magnus. I enjoyed our chat."

She stalked out of the café, typically leaving me to pay the bill.

I was determined to prove her wrong. I would bring Alexander out of the closet whether he liked it or not...

* * *

It was Tuesday and I had art again, which I used to hate -even though I was quite good at drawing- but it now was my favorite lesson. Well it wasn't my favorite _lesson_. More like my favorite time of day, as I was sitting next to Alexander. _And _working on a project with him. Lucky me!

The teacher -as nice as she was- was boring me to death with some crap about drawing technique that I already knew. And from the dreary look on Alexander's face, he thought that the teacher's droning was perfunctory too.

"Er Magnus?" he asked, raising his head to look at me, his voice shaking a little. _Was he still nervous about talking to me?_

"Yeah."

"We are g-gonna need to get t-together after school, to do this project thing. We're never going to finish it in school, so we need to..."

"Get together?" I teased, wiggling my eyebrows. He blushed adorably.

"N-no, that w-wasn't what I m-meant."

"Ya know, you don't have to take _everything_ people say to you seriously."

There was a short, awkward moment, then he finally spoke. "So, when is a good time for you?"

"I've got nothing after school today. For the rest of the week I've got plans." Alexander nodded slowly.

"I'm free after school today as well, so..."

"Great! We can go to my place then, I'll give you a lift there if you like."

My dad would be in his study all the time, so we wouldn't be disturbed. Perfect.

"Sure," he said halfheartedly. "But I have a sister, and I don't know if I should leave her home for a little while. Our mom works long hours you see."

"Your sister called Izzy?" I asked, even though I knew what the answer.

"Yes. How did you know-"

"She'll be perfectly fine," I assured him, not wanting him to bring her over to my house as well. Not that I had anything against Izzy, it's just that I had a feeling that even Alexander's sister didn't know that -or if- he was gay yet. "She seems like a very hard-core person."

"You could say that," he muttered.

"OK, so I'll meet you after school, in the parking-lot?"

"Alright."

_Yay! This is gonna be perfect. I need to go and fix my make-up..._

* * *

Alexander was waiting for me after classes had finished, leaning against the brick-wall that surrounded the school. He had his head down, his hands stuffed in his pockets and had a black, scruffy rucksack that lay at his feet. He completely looked like a fish out of water. Not just uncomfortable in his surroundings, but uncomfortable in his own skin as well. I got the feeling that he didn't open up to people that often, and didn't speak about himself blatantly. It was either going to take a lot of time to get him to come out of his shell, or no time at all.

He looked up as I half-jogged over to him. He smiled a little, though not showing his teeth. His smile was a little amiss, as it didn't go to his eyes. They still looked a sad, lonely blue color.

"Shall we go?" he asked.

"Uh huh. My car is just around the corner."

I had a slick, silver convertible which other people would have gaped at and go all car-technical on me. Thankfully, he didn't spare one last glance at the car. And on the drive to my house we sat in silence, him fiddling with his nails and me with my eyes fixed on the road ahead, occasionally looking over to Alexander.

We arrived at my house, and unlike with my car, Alexander did gape at my house.

"Wow, y-your house- er, mansion- is massive," he stated.

"It's my dad's house. Not mine."

I didn't like people mentioning how rich my family was. And as far as I was concerned, I wasn't my family. I wasn't part of it anyway. When my mom died, instead of becoming closer, my father and I just grew further apart. He is still trying to forget her, and I just kept reminding him. I was Asian on my mother's side and part Dutch on my father's side, and the Asian in me stood out more.

We went to my room, which was totally unlike the rest of the house: the house was mainly just neutral colors with marble floors and stairs and glass chandeliers everywhere. My room, however, was probably the most colourful room in the mansion _by far._ And probably the smallest room as well. It was a riot of bright colors: green and blue walls -that matched Alexander's eyes perfectly- and all sorts of colours were spread around the room in the form of clothes. Only the bed was plain, though it was pale green.

"Yeah, it's messy. I would have tidied it up if I had known you were coming. I was kinda having an emergency."

"What kind of emergency?"

"A fashion emergecy."

"Oh," he paused a second. "Should we get started?"

"Alright." I surprised myself by actually _wanting_ to this project. Maybe it was the fact that I was going to draw Alexander, but I had no idea how I was going to do his perfect features any justice. And how on earth was I going to recreate his blue eyes in _ pencil?_

We sat down on the carpet, me with my back against my bed and him opposite me, crossing his legs. I took my art book out from my school bag. It was already scruffy -after only having it for two days- and covered in doodles of random things: my name, love hearts, eyes, lips, swear words, phrases like 'I heart Magnus Bane'... However, Alexander got out a different sketch-pad from his bag, and some worn down sticks of charcoal.

"What are you doing?" I asked, eyeing the equipment that he had in front of him.

"Oh, I-I prefer drawing in charcoal. I will d-do a pencil one, but for practising I'm gonna use this..."

As he turned the pages over in his book, I noticed that the pages were full of smoky, black drawings. "Could I please see some of your drawings?" I asked innocently, emphasizing the word 'please'.

Alexander then clutched the book to his chest defensively.

"Aw, pwetty pwetty pwease?"

"I-I don't..."

I pulled my best puppy dog face, making my eyes wide and pouting my lips. "Pwetty pwease? For me?"

He laughed, not a sound that I was familiar with. "They are kinda personal," he then said seriously.

"It's not like I'm gonna vandalize them. Or show them to anyone."

He hesitantly held the sketch-pad out to me. "Be gentle..."

"I won't be looking at them forever, don't worry." I took the book into my hands; it was a scruffy book, like mine so I assumed that it was quite old. I turned the front page over, revealing the first sketch. I felt my jaw drop as I studied the image; it was of a bird -a phoenix maybe?- enveloped in black flames that twisted around it's body in a swirl of black smoke.

I searched through the rest of the book; the rest of the images were just as sad as they were amazing- and they were a-ma-zing. I felt my jaw drop even further. Alexander had some serious talent. Our teacher was going to flip once she sees these.

"Oh. My. God."

"I know some of them are a bit weird..." he said hurriedly, stretching his arm out to take back his book, but I held it out of his reach.

"Weird, yes. These are fucking amazing!" I was still in awe. "How- how... Are you sure you drew these? Or did you, I don't know, get the God of awesomeness to draw these for you?"

Blushing, he laughed again, sending shivers down my spine. His laugh was so musical, like wind chimes. "I-I did draw them."

"Bloody hell," I muttered to myself. Then I saw the most recent drawings: an angel, face in the shadows and wings in the light. I saw the date, it had been drawn yesterday. Where were the drawings of me? Where were the doodles saying 'I heart Magnus Bane'? OK, I'm over-reacting. Why would he draw me at his free will anyway? I mean I didn't draw him, and my crush on his was pretty big I realised.

I handed the book back to him. "These are _really _good," he laughed again. "No, I'm being serious Alexander. If only you showed these to people more often."

"As I said, they are personal drawings."

I crawled over to him and sat cross-legged, our knees touching.

"You let _me_ see them."

"You forced me."

"You still had a choice, this is a relatively free country."

"It's called pier pressure."

"Well you still should show these to more people, so they'll recognise your true greatness and be more serious with you," I wasn't one for pep talks, but boy did Alexander need one.

"So they're not being serious with me now?" he questioned.

"Put it this way; if our art teacher saw these, you probably wouldn't have to sit through the boring technique stuff-"

"About charcoal," he finished for me.

"Fine, fine," I held up my hands in mock defence. "If you don't want to show these, fine. I'll just let you boil in your own self-pity then..."

"I don't feel sorry for myself," he huffed.

"Sorry to break it to ya, but that's how it's coming across."

"Kay, I'll think about it. Ya know, the whole showing my drawings thing..."

_God, he looked so cute with his hair over his eyes. He was so shy it was adorable! I suddenly thought._

What I did next shocked even me. I reached my hand round the back of his neck to pull myself up to his to peck him on the cheek. "You are _so _adorable!"

Alexander was frozen stiff, and instead of his usual blush, his face had gone pale, whiter than it was usually was. _Oh shit, why did I just do that? I scared him._

I looked steadily into his eyes, and he looked into mine and I felt my heart stutter in my chest as I lost myself in the wonderful blue eyes that never ceased to mesmerise me. I held my breath as I leaned my face towards him, slowly so I wouldn't spook him. I was surprised as he leaned forward into me, nervously. We paused a few seconds, just breathing in each other. He smelt like paint, familiar yet unusual. Eventually I couldn't stand being still like this- so close, but without touching. I pressed my lips to his, feeling his soft lips move against mine. I could hear him suck in a breath unsteadily through his nostrils. I could feel his muscles tense in my embrace. I could taste his lips, so soft...

Abruptly, he pulled away, gasping, and stared at me in amazement for a few seconds. Then he stood up, taking his bag with him.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry," he stammered, practically sprinting out of my bedroom, away from me, leaving me kneeling on the carpet with my head in my hands. _Magnus you _idiot. _What have you done?_

I heard the front door of the house open, then slam shut. And it was too late for me to go after him...

**There, hoped you liked it! Reviews please!  
****Until next time...**

**Rexxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the nice comments! And thanks to Intoxic for giving me my 20th review! I know, a weird anniversary to be celebrating. Oh well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alec or Magnus, or most of the characters in this story. *sobs***

Alec's P.O.V.

I don't know why I ran away, leaving Magnus there like that. Hell, I don't even know why he kissed me, and I kissed him_ back!_ It was such an amazing, but surreal thought. He kissed me, and I kissed him. _And then you ran away like a scared girl. _

My thoughts were whirling round my head. I kept questioning myself: did I like the kiss? And if I did, did that mean that I liked Magnus? _Of course I liked him. A lot. _But did that mean anything? How would I compare that kiss to one with a girl if I haven't even kissed a girl?

As I walked home the sun had almost set below the horizon, tingeing the sky with an eerie orange colour. All around there were trees casting dark, unforgiving shadows over me, the leaves rustled as if they were whispering accusations at me. I was really wishing that I hadn't run away from Magnus' house, for obvious reasons, and the fact that the dark scared me, which was ironic because around other people I stay in the shadows, but when I'm on my own, the shadows seem to scare me.

I could still remember the sensation of Magnus' lips on mine, they were soft and tasted of lip balm. I wanted to feel them again, but I didn't know if that was going to happen. Does he still like me even though I ran away, probably hurting his feelings in the process? He didn't seem like the kind of guy who got turned down often- but then again, he didn't seem like the kinda guy who got hurt easily, or gave up easily. I decided that I would talk to him tomorrow in school. I would apologise for running out like I did.

Aside from that, I had another problem: coming out of the closet. I didn't know how, or when I was going to come out, but I was going to eventually. _Eventually, _I reassured myself.

I arrived at my house- it was large, but not as big as Magnus'. His house was a frigging mansion! In my house, the kitchen light was on, so I assumed that mom was home from work. I opened the front door with frozen-stiff hands and called out to whoever was listening, "I'm home."

"Alexander, where have you been?" my mother appeared in the hallway, hands on hips, her voice stern. I winced at the way she called me Alexander. Magnus called me that.

"I was out at a friends house. We were working on an art project together..."

"How did you get to his house?" she demanded.

"He drove me."

"And didn't drive you back here? What a gentleman," she said sarcastically.

"We kinda had a... disagreement." That was one way to put it.

"So you walked home by _yourself?_ At night? Without calling me-"

"No need to be so worried!" I exclaimed. "I'm fine. Nothing happened. And why is it that I'm not allowed to do things when it's dark, and Izzy is? I'm older than her!"

"Age has nothing to do with it. And you never really go out when it's late that often."

"That's not an excuse. Why are you so worried?"

She just gave me a sad look, and seemed as if she was about to say something, but she didn't say anything at all.

"_U__gh," _I scoffed in disgust and stomped upstairs to my room, and slammed the door shut. Why was she -and sometimes Izzy- always giving me these sad looks, as if they knew something about me that I didn't. It all started after my 'accident'; I did't remember what happened at all. When I woke up from my week-long coma, I only knew what mom and Izzy told me about the accident. Apparently I was hit by a car, breaking my collar bone, smashing a few of my ribs, bruising my legs and badly bashing my head. Mom said that it was a drunk driver who had already been arrested, and I never heard anything about him/her again. Mom was keeping something from me. I didn't know what or why she would hide anything like that away from me. That accident took away a few years of my memory, something that will never be replaced. I felt unfinished without that part of my memory, like I had a gaping hole in my mind. Something was always missing...

Sometimes I would get flashes of memory. I knew that the pieces were part of the chunk that I lost- where else would they have come from? I heard my name being called out repeatedly. I heard laughs. I heard strange voices and whispers, but all I could see was darkness. Darkness and _pain. _A white pain. That was all I managed to remember. Even though the only stuff that I remembered was stuff that I really didn't _want _to remember, I still wanted to know more. I had to fill in the gaping hole in my life. And if that never happened, I at least had to know _why. _Why the things that happened to me actually _happened_. I will find out, and I would sacrifice a lot to do that.

I lay on my bed, tired but unable to sleep. My mother knocked on my door several times, but I remained silent and she eventually went away. I enjoyed sulking and giving my mother the silent treatment. After hours -or was it minutes?- I fell into a light sleep, my dreams haunted by a certain pair of green cat eyes.

* * *

The first lesson in school the next day was chemistry; I had barely any sleep the night before and when I listened to the lecture, I heard the words but not the meaning of them. I was also focused on something else: what was I going to say to Magnus? Would he forgive me? Did he still like me?

When I sorted out in my mind what I was going to say to him, I was itching to leave class. I'd have to find him at lunch because I didn't have either art of geography which were the only classes I had with him, sadly. So for the next two hours, break, then the hour long lesson after that, I was watching the second hand of a clock tick past slowly. Time crawled by, as if all of the clocks in the school were mocking me. I guess I deserved it.

I sprinted to lunch once the bell rang, only to find that Magnus was nowhere to be seen in the lunch hall. He either hadn't been to lunch yet, or had already finished. I just sat down on the table that Izzy, Jace and Clary were at. They were deep in conversation about- well, I wasn't really listening. I was too fixated on the entrance to the lunch hall. Soon Izzy did notice me and turned to me and said, "Oh Alec! I didn't see you there!"

"S'all right," I mumbled, still watching the entrance.

"By the way, a guy called Magnus was looking for you earlier- he seemed upset about something. He told me to tell you to meet him by the... art room at lunch, or something..."

"Really?!" I said jumping up from my seat.

"Yeah, how do you know him-" I didn't answer her because I was already out of the lunch hall.

I was sprinting, but before I turned down the corridor to the art room I slowed down and walked, not wanting to be out of breath when I talked to Magnus.

When I finally caught sight of him, and I knew he wasn't in a good mood just by looking at his clothes; he was wearing next-to-no make-up, only eyeliner, and _no glitter. _He was obviously in a bad mood. He was wearing ripped, faded jeans- not skinny, though he still looked good in them. Magnus' t-shirt said it all though; it was black and had a quote written in white saying '_If you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask someone else first'. _

He saw me as I hurried around the corner and both of us started speaking at once.

"M-Magnus, I'm so sorry I'll e-explain-"

"Alexander, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

We stopped talking immediately and after a long pause I pleaded "I'm so sorry Magnus! I really sh-shouldn't have left you like that. I-I was just so shocked, I didn't expect th-that to-"

"Whoah, _you're _sorry? I'm the one who should be sorry, for coming onto you like that, it isn't your fault you got scared."

"I wasn't scared," I scowled at him, but this made him smile fondly, not grinning or smirking as usual, not that I had anything against him smirking... "I just don't know- I-I don't... know what I am," I said slowly, not finding the words that I meant, which were _I wanted to know if I was really gay. _I hoped that he got the gist of it.

Magnus then looked at me with pity, not too much, but enough for me to notice. "Does anyone know that you're gay?" he asked softly.

I lowered my head so I was staring at the floor, not wanting to see the pity in the beautiful green eyes. Sympathy made me feel weak. And I wasn't weak, just quiet. _Why did everyone think that I was weak? Mom, Izzy, now Magnus even though he barely knew me._

"Why does e-everyone think I-I'm weak?" I breathed out quickly.

"What?"

"I'm not weak. Why does everyone seem to think that I am?" I said again, my voice stronger.

"No-one thinks you are weak Alex-"

"Yes, they do," my voice was growing louder now. "My mother and my sister. Always giving my these pitiful looks. Now you. I don't need your sympathy-"

"You are not weak," he interrupted me smoothly, his calm voice cutting through my strained one. "You're just having a hard time now, and I want to help."

"By kissing me?" I whispered, afraid that someone would hear.

"Yeah, about that, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. But I do recall you kissing me back, even if it was only for a short length of time... so what did you think?"

My head snapped up. "Think about what?"

"The kiss," When I didn't say anything, he huffed. "What I'm trying to ask is if you think you're gay or not. 'Cause if you are, I can help you through it. Ya know, fully convert you to the dark-side."

"Being gay is on the _dark-side?"_

"Well, in _Star Wars_ the dark-side was the cool side. The awesome side. That's why being gay is on the dark-side, even though the dark-side lost in the end..."

He sure did like to talk. I never talk about something for long. I'm not one for making elaborate speeches, just keeping things blunt, but that didn't mean that I disliked Magnus' rambling. I found it really hard to dislike _anything_ about Magnus at all.

"So are we cool?" he asked eventually.

"I... guess..."

"So you're not upset about what happened last night?"

"Yes, I am upset, only because I left." He grinned, hit pearly whites sparkling.

"Do you want to finish what we started?"

"What, right _now?_" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Why not?"

He took me by the elbow, and pulled me against him, before pushing me gently into the wall, a teasing grin on his face. Just then I realised that he was taller that me. That almost never happened, but we fitted perfectly together, he only had to bend down slightly to capture my lips with his. His breath tasted sweet, like coke or sugar. He opened my mouth with his, his skilled tongue skimming along my bottom lip -causing me to shiver- as if asking for permission to enter my mouth. I allowed his swift tongue to enter, though mine stayed put, not sure what to do. The kiss sent adrenaline coursing through my body, my pulse quickening, blood rushing to my head. It was stunning, I felt so _alive. _His scent so intoxicating...

But the bell rang, and I jerked back from him, glaring at the bell that was directly above us. _Perfect timing._

**There! Hoped that quenched your thirst for Malec! Oh and just a heads up, I may not be able to update as fast for a couple of weeks, starting this Saturday, because I'm going home for half-term (I go to boarding school) so I won't have that much access to the internet as the WIFI is absolutely shit where I come from. I'll just have to see how the WIFI is feeling...**

**Anyway, review! Reviews and favs make my world go round...**

**Lurve ya**

**Rexxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here it is. Again, I'm kinda on vacation so I may not be able to update due to limited access to the internet. Please forgive me if I don't update for a long period of time.**

Magnus' P.O.V.

I so badly wanted to hold my angel's hand. But I couldn't even do that. He'll come around, I told myself. He just needs to get used to the fact that he's gay. You haven't even been on a date yet, he's not going to hold your hand in public.

It was after school, and both of us were just enjoying each other's company. Ya know, talking about silly things like movies, where I got my t-shirt from, stuff like that. However, the whole time I was itching to ask him on a date, but he seemed even shyer than he was before, probably because of the kiss- oh the kiss! It was wonderful, not what I expected though. It wasn't a deep, sexy kiss, but the kind that made my heart flutter with excitement, I felt nerves at the pit of my stomach- I was actually nervous! I never got nervous about a simple kiss. But this was Alexander, and he was different. I still didn't know how.

"You you wanna go out tonight?" I asked slowly, so not to surprise him with my sudden proposition.

"What, like a date?"

"Not like a date- a date."

"In... public? I- I don't... I" he stammered.

"We could go to the cinema, or just go back to my house and order a pizza if you like," I didn't know why I was making such an effort for someone who didn't even want to be seen with me in public, or seen with me at all.

"Pizza sounds good," he mumbled enthusiastically.

"You can't stay in the closet forever ya know," I teased.

"Well I can damn well try," he said with mock determination, and smiled a little, just one side of his mouth twitching upwards. I loved that smile, I realized, no matter how small it was.

"But seriously, you have to come out. You can't hide from yourself forever."

"I'm not hiding, I'm running."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because at least I'm moving. If I was hiding, I wouldn't be moving now would I."

"I think you are hiding."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Not."

"Are-"

"See, you _are_ hiding," I practically shrieked with glee.

"You are impossible," he huffed.

"No, I am improbable, invincible, impregnable, indestructible, impenetrable, in-"

"Ok ok ok ok, I get it."

We both burst into fits of laughs, well I giggled like a girl, and he laughed properly. I was taken aback by how easy it was to be around this bashful, humble boy. He was too modest for his own good; he was fit -really fit- beautiful -did I just say beautiful? That's so girly- but he wore clothes as if he had something to cover up. I just wanted to snog the unfashionable-ness out of him, then give him a pair of skinny jeans, a skin-tight top and some hair gell, and a lot of glitter. Speaking of glitter...

"Shit!" I suddenly yelled. He immediately stopped laughing.

"What i-is it?" he sounded really worried. _That's so sweet!_

"Oh...no... something is wrong... seriously wrong..." Between words I stuck my arm as far down my school-bag as possible searching for _it_...

"What are you looking for?" he asked, panicked.

"Oh God, why isn't it here-"

"What isn't here?"

Once i found it I yelled "Ah ha!"

I pulled out a tennis-ball sized bottle of sparkly glitter, tipped a little out into my hand and rubbed it through my hair thoroughly. Thankfully the gell in my hair was so strong that my hair sprung back into place when I tousled it.

"Ah," I sighed blithely. "Much better."

"Magnus," Alexander said sternly, furrowing his eyebrows. He looked angry...

I smiled sweetly at him, and he tried not to smile, but his mouth began twitching and finally a grin spread onto his face, and we cracked up again.

For some reason I felt so happy.

Alexander had to home to drop off his school stuff, and insisted that he could drive himself to my house, but I wouldn't accept it; even if he wanted to hide the fact that he was gay, he couldn't hide his friendship with me completely. I was actually a person, and I wished that he could jut see that. I did have feelings that were capable of being hurt. The human interior was just covered up by a glittery exterior which very few people could see though. Camille could see through it as if it was as translucent as glass. Alexander couldn't- he didn't realize that the glitter was a mask. I wish that he could be able to see though it, because then showing him the real me wouldn't be so hard. I guess that I just seemed so open that everything I say is believable, that I don't lie about myself. Whoever thinks that is wrong. They have no idea who I am. I can lie. I do lie. I will lie.

I wish I didn't have to though.

When we got to my house- he still gaped at it a little- he started firing questions at me.

"Where are your parents? No one seems to be in the house. I mean, it's so big, and no one's in it..."

"My dad is here, but he's in his study- like, always."

"But don't you sometimes feel so alone in such a big house?" I could see what Alexander meant by sympathy making you feel weaker. Sympathy was so pointless.

"Don't feel sorry for me! I have cleaners to keep me company."

"But that's not family."

"You're not such a family guy yourself," I muttered.

"I have a sister who I take care of-"

"I think that it's her who takes care of you. Do you even know where she is right now?

"She is... i-is- that's not the point."

I chuckled to myself.

We entered the house, and I took his coat and hung it on the coat stand. And it turns out that even someone being polite to him makes him blush. I lead him into the living room, which was a spacious room with white walls, beige leather couches and a large cabinet filled with creepy stuffed birds. The only thing that looked remotely 20th century in the room was the sixty inch flat screen TV that hung from one of the walls.

"Wow," Alexander said. "Your father has got some weird hobbies."

I saw that he was gesturing to the creepy cabinet. "Oh, those aren't my dad's. He never comes in here. The only rooms he's ever in are either his study, the kitchen and his bedroom- though he barely goes in there either."

Alexander walked over to the cabinet, his eyes fixed on the largest, most colourful bird that was there; it was a bright, shiny green colour with crimson red, yellow and blue feathers. "Then who's are they if your dad never comes in here? I'm only assuming that you don't collect this kinda thing. You don't look like the kinda guy who wonders around an antique store in his free time.

"Your right about that. Antique stores smell like old people, not that I have anything against old people..." I shivered.

"So who collects them?" He repeated.

"Ya know, when you meet my dad, if he decides to come out of him study- wait, did I just say when you meet my dad? I didn't mean it like that. Ya know, like-"

"Your avoiding my question," Alexander said impatiently.

"Really? What question was that?" I knew what he had asked. But I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about the person who used to collect antiques- my mom.

It doesn't matter," he sounded almost disappointed. I wouldn't have that on my territory.

"My mom," I suddenly said. What did I have to lose? And I had a feeling that we'd be getting to know each other better anyway.

"Your mom, what?"

I sighed deeply. "My mom collects- I mean collected these antiques."

"Where is your mom?" He asked blatantly.

"Dead," I said simply, as if I didn't care. But I did.

His head snapped around to face me. "Oh God, I'm so sorry! I didn't think-"

"It's OK, I've got over it," my voice would have been convincing if it didn't crack slightly towards the end of the sentence.

"Magnus-" he took a step towards me, but I took a step back, putting my hands up in defence.

"N-no, it's fine. I-I'll go and order pizza. Wha'do ya want? Or don't you really mind?"

"I'm sorry-"

"I'll take that as a don't really mind," I left the room to order, leaving Alexander's pitiful face behind me. Now I could really see what he meant by sympathy making people feel weak. He could see that for himself, but not for me. He of all people should know that I wouldn't want sympathy.

After I ordered, I went back into the living room, to find Alexander kneeling on the fluffy carpet with a box of old records beside him, and a few records in this hands.

"I-I didn't know you l-liked this stuff," he commented, holding up a couple of the Beatles albums and a few other bands that I hadn't heard of.

"I don't."

Thankfully Alexander got my drift and dropped the subject, and instead switched the conversation towards movies. "I see you've got quite a few m-movies here. What shall we watch: Star Wars, Rocky, Star Trek- next generation of coarse-"

"Your choice, you are my guest. You can have the pressure of choosing what movie we're gonna watch." I smiled at him, successfully lightening the mood. "I didn't know you were a Star Wars kinda guy."

"You don't know a lot about me," he said, placing the records in the box, then putting them back against the wall. "So what did you order?"

"Some pizza, chips and stuff."

"That's a very vague description," he accused.

"Of course it it," I went and sat down next to him on the floor. "What is life without the mystery?" I said in a philosophical voice.

"Relaxing, not tense, no worry-"

"That was a rhetorical question, Alexander." I then said, grinning, "Now whilst we are waiting, I'd like to do something -with you- that I've been desperate to do all day."

I pulled my best puppy dog face, and Alexander laughed. "And what would that-"

I cut him off mid-sentence with my lips upon his. I felt his cheeks heat up beneath my fingertips as I caressed one side of his neck, pulling him closer to me. I couldn't get close enough to him. All the time I was struggling with my urge to rip off all of his clothes, feel his bare skin beneath mine, to feel him moan and cry out in ecstasy- I immediately felt myself harden, it was slightly uncomfortable, but nothing my skinny jeans couldn't handle. At school, especially in geography, I'd get bored and start thinking about Alexander, and get hard, but my skinny jeans had remarkably kept the bulge under control. I was relieved that now I was wearing those skinny jeans so I wouldn't freak Alexander out because I was pretty sure that he was a virgin. If he wasn't, I'd be really surprised.

As I relaxed into the kiss, so did he. When I started using my tongue, unlike last time, he used his as well, our tongues battling for dominance. Very soon, I wasn't able to contain myself. I slid a hand up his shirt, feeling his cold skin beneath my fingertips, and his abs- oh his abs! He had a six, or an eight pack or something like that. But then my fingers found something else, not muscle, something and irregular-

Alexander pulled away, as if I had stung him, and pulled down his rucked up shirt.

"I-I don't-"

He was interrupted by the loud door bell that echoed throughout the house. "That was really quick, the delivery guy usually takes ages to deliver." I stood up, reluctantly, and headed to the front door.

_Man, I cannot catch a break._

**Those two really can't get any peace and quiet to do their stuff can they! _ And whose fault was that?_ Mine. *ashamed expression*.**

**OK, because I'm on vacation, I'm gonna be looking for some more reviews before I post. Maybe 5? Or more...? *hopeful smile***

**Hasta la vista baby.**

**Rexxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, here's the next one...**

Alec's P.O.V.

Why the fuck did the delivery boy interrupt us?! Why? Actually, I was kinda glad that he did. Magnus' hand was up my shirt, and as pleasant as it was, he had touched one of my scars from my accident. My whole torso was covered in those marks, some made by the "car crash" and some made by the operations that I had to fix my broken ribs. For some reason, I didn't want Magnus to know about my accident, about my memory loss. He'd think that I brain damage and that there was something wrong with me- well there was something wrong with me. But I still wanted him to be my friend, or whatever we were.

Magnus came back with a couple of boxes of pizza, two cokes and some fries. "Shall we get started with the movie then? What have you chosen?"

"Rocky," I replied. "I haven't watched it for a while, so..." A tiny, fluffy grey thing darted towards, then away from Magnus' feet, and I jumped up, surprised, pointing to it. "Wha-what th-the hell was that! A-a r-rat?"

"A rat?" Magnus said, his voice rising. "A RAT?" Oh God, he's really angry.

"I... err-"

Magnus dropped the pizza onto one of the couches and snatched the grey fluff ball up into his arms. "Chairman Meow is NOT a rat," he yelled, cuddling the furry thing to his chest. A couple of ears poked out of the fluff, and a tiny little face was just about visible. Oh, it was a cat! Well more like a kitten. But it was still small for a kitten.

"Chairman Meow," I repeated. "Why dos you name your cat after a Chinese dictator?"

"Don't ask me. Ask my mom-" he stopped. Clearly he didn't like this subject, so I continued talking.

"It looks like a kitten. How old is Chairman?"

"Three years."

I was completely gobsmacked. "Three years? But it's so s-small and... kitten-like."

"I know. Chairman will always be young, on the outside and on the inside," Magnus cooed to the kitten, rubbing it affectionately under the chin. "Now come here. Stroke Chairman as an apology for your outrageous behaviour, and maybe I'll forgive you."

I stood still for a moment before realising that Magnus was serious. I put out my hand and touched the top of Chairman's head with my fingers. The fur was so soft, as if it had been shampooed frequently. Know Magnus, he probably did shampoo Chairman. Poor cat, I first thought. But then seeing how Chairman purred under Magnus' touch, I thought about how lucky the little kitten was, getting loads of attention from him.

The kitten stiffened at my touch, but then relaxed and began purring again. It stretched it's neck up, rubbing it's fluffy head into my hand. "I think the Chairman likes you," Magnus commented. "I never date someone my cat doesn't like." He grinned. I just nodded as he set the kitten gently on the floor. Chairman sat there and scratched it's ears with it's back paws, an adorable sight! "Now where we're we, before we were so rudely interrupted?"

"Well, I was about here," I stood close to him, and boldly put my hand on the back of his neck, pulling myself closer to him. "And you were..."

Our lips met again, slowly but surely, not like a raging fire when we kissed at school in the hallway. Then, I was so nervous, worried that Magnus wouldn't like the kiss, worried then someone may see us. Now was like molten lava, a slow burning at a searingly hot temperature. Magnus' hand went up my shirt again, sliding along the skin of my lower back. Good, I thought. I had no scars there. His hand travelled up my back where there were only faded scars, so his fingers didn't pause when they touched them. His hands felt warm on my cool skin. Even with a shirt on my skin managed to stay cool. Magnus' hands wound into my hair, tugging on it slightly.

With his right arm up the back of my shirt, and his left on my cheek, he pushed me backwards onto the couch. When the backs of my legs hit the leather, I fell back, pulling Magnus with me. He was now straddling me, his knees pushed into the back of the couch. His groin was pressed into my throbbing one, which was going uncomfortably hard. Even so, I didn't really want to...

His kisses became more urgent, now the lava flow was accelerating. His other warm arm crawled up the front of my torso, ducking my shirt up. I immediately reached my hands up to stop him, pulling my lips away from his.

"M-magnus, p-please, I-I don't want to..." He jerked his hands away immediately, but I instantly missed the warmth on my skin.

He bowed his head, putting his arms around my neck. "Sorry, that was a little forward," he said in a quiet voice. He then placed his lips on the top of my head. "Your beautiful, you know that?" He whispered.

I was shocked at his words. "I... umm, I-I-"

He pulled away again. "Oh my God, did I say that out loud?" He said in a suddenly loud voice. The look on my face said it all. Magnus climbed off me and sat next to me on the couch. "I'm sorry, that was forward as well..."

"It's fine," I reassured him. "It's nice to be called that by someone else than my mother." I instantly regretted mentioning my mother, as it totally killed the mood.

Magnus laughed his same chesty, giggle-like laugh. "OK, I think that we should eat the pizza before it gets cold. And then start Rocky, though I don't think that we're gonna be able to watch all of it. Or any of it..."

I giggled in a strangely high voice, knowing what he meant by not being able to see any of the movie. But we never actually put the movie on. And we didn't spend the entire evening kissing either- however much I wanted to. We just ate the pizza, lying on the floor. I was surprised that we ate on the floor and not at a table because the carpet was white and expensive looking. Magnus didn't seem to care though. It wasn't like he had a parent to scold him if he stained the furniture or the rugs. Only the people who cleaned the house, but they were played to clean, so that didn't count.

We talked for the entire evening, about school, how we never did any work on our art project, clothes (though he did most of the talking on that subject) and finally we started talking about how to come out of the closet.

"I don't really know how to come out," he began. "I've been like this since I was about twelve, and for anyone who meets me for the first time, it's really obvious that I'm gay. Or bisexual at least. If you were telling one person, I guess you'd just explain the whole thing. But if you were just coming out in school, I guess you could have to, I don't know, be like me." He grinned widely.

"What? Do I have to dress like you?" I asked, astounded.

"I am offended. Wouldn't you want to look like me? What's wrong with looking like me?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "It's just that you aren't really my style. I mean, I like the way you look, really like it..."

"That was a deep cut Alexander. Right through my heart," he held his hands to his heart in mock hurt. I just laughed, then his scowl turned into a bright smile. It was almost as if just me laughing could make him smile.

Eventually we decided that it was late, and that I should head home. Of course, he drove me home, and I desperately wanted to kiss him goodnight. Just a tiny peck, nothing major. Bit I couldn't even do that, not outside my house while someone in my neighbourhood could be watching. My mom or Isabelle may see... I definitely needed to come out, soon. I can't live like this, afraid that someone may see me with someone that I really like, and be ashamed of it. I wasn't ashamed of Magnus, right? He has out of the closet. No one treated him badly. He was popular at school. Girls loved him for some strange reason. And I'm sure that a few boys fancy him too...

As I exited the car and walked up to the front door of my house, I saw Magnus wink at me, then blow me a kiss through the darkness.

"Goodnight Alexander," he called out to me.

"Night," I replied, but he had already driven off, leaving me with a knot of fear in my stomach, and the feeling that someone had been watching...

**Please give me feed back, corrections/suggestions are much wanted! If you want me to put Malec into a situation, like Magnus takes Alec shopping or something like that, please PM me! Keep up the reviews...**

**Rexxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry, but this chapter isn't going to be fluffy. I need to get down to the real plot now. If you read my crap attempt at a blurb, you'll see that this story is actually about that. Not just fluffy goodness, not that I don't love that stuff- _and __I do._ I mean, it _is _an angst-y story, and I've gotta start sometime in the near future and that near future in _now._**

Magnus' P.O.V.

I drove away from Alexander's house with a smile that I couldn't seem to get rid of. I felt like a complete idiot, grinning as I sat alone in a car, driving in the middle of the night. I couldn't shake off the image of Alexander blushing, and as shy as he was, when he blushed it was sexy. Da-yum sexy! The time on my watch was about ten, so it wasn't too late. But it was dark. Very dark and very cold, as I was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt and was stupid enough not to put a jacket on, but I felt too happy to put up the convertible's hood, as it took up too much effort.

However, my happiness was short-lived. It had been a few minutes since I left Alexander's house, I was driving through dimly-lit street, the closed shops on either side with all the lights turned off. And what was worse, the street was almost empty, with the faint sound of cars driving on a main-road in the distance, making me feel really alone. It took me by surprise when I saw a man standing in the centre of the road, his legs a shoulder-width apart. He was facing away from me, though I already knew who he was. He wore faded blue jeans with a black hoodie that hung loosely over his body. His hood was over his head and his hands were stuffed in the front pocket of his hoodie. He had a dangerous air to him, that really made me feel uncertain, but I knew who he was, though what he wanted with me remained a mystery.

I pulled the car over onto the pavement and immediately jumped out, and as calm and casually as I could, I walked up to him. "Hello Magnus," he said in his low voice.

"Hey R. What brings you to this dark part of the world?" I asked in the most cheerful voice that I could muster. I couldn't let him think that he scared the shit out of me. That would ruin my image. Everything had to be bold, the outfit _and _the attitude.

"I wanted us to have a little chat. I thought that it hasn't been long since we last spoke, several months, and it would be nice if we could catch up on things." The way he spoke sounded that he genuinely wanted to "catch up on things". But there was no smile on his face, and he never wanted to just have a chat. He either had a job for me, or I was in trouble. I haven't done anything wrong recently, have I?

Raphael -as that was his name, but we had to call him R so not to let his name be known- walked out of the middle of the almost empty street and into a dark alleyway and beckoned for me to follow him. Waiting for me in the dark, murky alleyway were three other boys, all smoking cigarettes. The alleyway creeped me out too, the dripping pipes, the echo of footsteps as someone walked along the slippery pavement.

"Hey Magnus," the boy greeted me in low voices. Two of them were about my age. The other was about Conor's age, around thirty, with stubble covering his chin and mouth.

"Hey guys," I replied in an equally as low voice.

"Wanna fag?" One of the younger boys held out a packet of cigarettes.

"No thanks, I'm all right," I hated smoking, the smoke was just- _egg,_ yucky.

"Suit yourself."

Raphael turned round to face me, but not removing his hood. I don't think I've ever actually seen him without a hood. "This will be a quick chat," he stated.

"About job?" I asked. "Have I done something?"

"Neither" he replied. "I want to know that you won't tell anyone about us."

"I've already sworn to you that I will never tell." I was confused. Why did he suddenly think that I was going to tell anyone about the gang? He was the leader of this gang you see. They did illegal things: trading drugs, guns, alcohol and other nasty stuff. I was only with them because they had saved my life. Raphael had saved me from drugs that he had been selling, he had saved me from the guy that he was selling the drugs to. For that I owed him, so I swore the gang to secrecy. The gang also did other stuff, physical abuse, beating up people and sometimes even murder. But they only hurt people if they were a threat to the trading or if they could potentially blow the gangs cover and hand them over to the police.

The gang was made up of lost boys, runways or tramps, all with lives that had already been wasted. I was one of the only gang members who still had a parent, or at least someone who would notice if I was gone. The rest of the boys didn't. They all lived in Raphael's basement in his house, which I have never been to, but I guessed that it would be very big, given how much money Raphael got from 'trading'.

In fact, there were only two people, including myself, that had at least one parent. Camille was one of the 'outside' members. But her parents never notices if she was gone, she could hypnotize them as if they were dogs waiting to be fed.

"I have been watching you, as I said I would. You can never truly leave the gang. Death is your only way out," he threatened me with that all the time. "I have noticed that you have been with a certain boy recently. What's his name...?"

Oh God, Raphael wanted to know about Alexander? This won't end well. I didn't want to tell Raphael his name, but I had the feeling that he already knew. "Alexander," I just said.

"Alexander Lightwood," Raphael agreed. "You may be getting close to this boy, within a short space of time as well. No matter how much you trust him, we must never be known. No matter what he says."

Why would Alexander say anything about the gang? He didn't know that they existed. "Of coarse, he'll never know. May I ask why you're concerned?"

"I've never had someone in the gang on the outside before," he shrugged. I never thought of myself as part of the gang, just as someone on the outside, helping out once in a while. "As much as you may be useful, it can pose a threat. Now we don't want this Alexander to suddenly go missing, do we?"

"If anything happens a to him-" I growled menacingly, but Raphael's expression didn't change.

"Oh, don't worry. Not a hair on his head will be touched, unless if it is really necessary. It would be a complete waste of my precious time if we had to deal with him. I give you my word. But you must keep yours."

I sighed in relief. Alexander wasn't in danger. Raphael didn't give people his 'word' often, so that had to be a good thing. "My word shall follow me to my grave," I said sincerely, though in my mind I was mocking him.

"Good," he stated simply. "Now go, I have other business to take care of." I nodded, and turned away from him. "I'm always watching Magnus. Don't forget that."

"Creepy stalker bastard," I muttered to myself at I walked back to the car. He was really creepy sometimes, and that was one of his less creepy moments, believe it or not.

You may think that's it's quite low of me to not hand them in to the caused many of the mysterious disappearances and killings all over the state. And many assaults in which people have denied being attacked, that was the work of the gang too.

Now Raphael, as dangerous as he might seem, was actually a total coward, though tell him that, or even dare to say that out loud and you'll be hung from your heels, with the blood draining to your head. One of Raphael's favourite ways of killing people, slowly. He'd let his gangmen die for him, and never thought twice about saving himself, even if that meant sacrificing others.

When I reached my car, I drove away as fast as I could, not daring to look back.

If something bad happened to Alexander because of all this -because of me, I'll never forgive myself. _But nothing bad is going to happen,_ I told myself. _Raphael __told you himself that he would never touch Alexander, unless if he found out about the gang, which will only be of _you _tell him. Just keep your mouth shut, no matter how adorable his eyes are. _Easier said than done.

I couldn't help but drive past Alexander's house once more, even though it was getting quite late. I just had to make sure- yup, nothing seemed out of place. The lights were on in the kitchen and I could faintly hear my Angel's voice through the walls- did I just call him_ my Angel? _Damn, I'm falling for him, and I'm falling _hard. _

If anything happened to him because of me, I'll never forgive myself.

**Did ya like it?**

**By the way, just because this story is angst-y, it doesn't mean that there won't be funny moments. I can't write a just serious story, that'll be boring. So just PM me any fluffy scenarios that you want Magnus and Alec go be in!**

**Reviews plz! You write beautiful reviews, they make me work faster!**

**Rexxx**


	9. Chapter 9

Alec's P.O.V.

"Alexander?"

My head snapped up at the mention of my name. "Wha?" I stopped fiddling with my pencil that I had been chewing on for most of the maths lesson. I usually played attention in math, but whenever I tried to write anything down I ended up doodling eyes in my book, angular, but soft at the same time, with slitted pupils- _dammit!_ I can't stop thinking about Magnus. The way he kissed me last night, I thought that the experience would be overwhelming. Well it was overwhelming, but it wasn't scary as I predicted. I was nervous, with a fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach that was breath-taking, in a good way. But then again, anyone would be amazed by his amazingly soft, perfect lips, slowly enveloping mine-

"Alexander, what's the answer?" My maths teacher was glaring at me from under his half-moon spectacles, and bizarrely, whenever he gets angry his white hair sticks out in a halo around his head, level with his ears, and that was what it was doing now.

"Answertawha?" I slurred, annoyed that he had interrupted my daydream. I was really starting to regret coming into class late, not just earning my first detention, but having to sit at the very front of the class.

"The question on the board," his beady eyes were staring right at me, as if he was trying to shoot laser beams out of them.

I glanced at the board, then groaned loudly. The sum on the board looked way beyond my capabilities in the dreamy state that I was in.

"Do I haveta?" I whined, making the rest of the class burst out laughing.

"Yes you do have to. And you would be able to if you were listening for the past twenty minutes."

I groaned again and banged my head on the table.. It's only been twenty minutes? That's forty whole minutes until I get to see Magnus. Forty minutes of hell.

"You are already in detention, do you want it to be a Friday detention?"

Friday detention is the worst. You have to go around the school picking up litter for two hours after school, normal detention was just sitting in silence for forty-five minutes.

"No," I mumbled. Thankfully, the teacher moved on and asked someone else the question. I could here sniggers from behind me so I turned round. A guy with a pencil-case with SIMON written on it in bold letters sat behind him. I presumed his name was Simon. "What?" I demanded.

"Are you drunk?" He asked, giggling as if he thought that he was funny.

"What? No," I stage whispered at him. "Whydoya think I'm drunk?"

"You keep talking like that," Simon said, gesturing to my slur. "You don't answer the questions like the goody goody you always are. You're either on drugs or alcohol?"

"I'm not a goody goody!" I exclaimed.

"Ya are, always answering the questions correctly. Well, until now-"

"Mr. Lewis, you will be joining Mr. Lightwood in detention," the moronic maths teacher called out to us from across the room. That shut up both Simon and I.

I was waiting for what felt like hours, listening to the maths teacher drone on and on about some algebraic thing, and he kept on picking on me, so I had to listen to the nonsense dribbling out of his mouth. Then something beautiful happened: the bell rang. Yes! I was free, and I was going to see Magnus.

I ran into the lunch hall, not bothering to even get any lunch, and looked around for where Magnus was sitting. He was in his usual place, opposite Ragnor. I just wanted to rush over to him and feel him again, be in his arms. But then I remembered, I was in the closet. The stinking, padding closet. Great.

I did go and sit next to him though, he gave me a small smile, but carried on with the conversation. Again, great. I've Ben waiting for him all day, and not so much as a 'hello' came my way. I just huffed and sulking crossed my arms over my chest.

"Hey Alec!" Izzy came over with her tray and sat down opposite me next to Ragnor, who immediately stopped talking and turned to face my sister.

"Hi Izzy!" He then launched into a long conversation with my sister, almost blocking me and Magnus off from speaking to her, though I could see that she wanted to talk to Magnus about something. Shopping probably. I turned to look at Magnus, who wasn't actually ignoring me, and we both rolled our eyes.

"C-can we go and speak outside?" I managed to say, stammering a little.

"Sure."

We walked out of the lunch hall and wondered down the corridor. The rest of the school would be either in the lunch hall, or outside on the grass banks surrounding the school, so we wouldn't be disturbed.

Once we turned the corner, I started talking. "Why didn't you acknowledge me in there? Not even a hello-"

"I thought you were still in the closet," he accused.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends."

"I thought I was doing you a favour," he muttered.

"By ignoring me? Just because I'm in the closet it doesn't mean that-"

I was cut off by his lips on mine. His touch was soft, his lips gentle unlike yesterday. Yesterday, he kissed me like he was thirsty, hungry for me. Now, he didn't even lift his hands up to pull me closer, as if he thought that I'd break if he held me too tightly. But I wanted him to hold me, I wanted him to hold me till I broke. I wouldn't care if he broke me, I'm broken anyway. I needed his passion again, I needed him to be close to me, nothing in between us. Then I thought, is he bored of me already? How many people has he been with? I bet he hasn't been with boring, closeted virgins who hadn't even had a proper kiss before. Magnus gave me my first proper kiss, as far as I remembered. My accident took away about two years, anything could have happened then. But that felt like my first kiss. When books describe it, they talk bout fireworks and corny stuff like that. But when I kissed Magnus, it wasn't like that at all, no big bang announcing my first kiss. I just felt nervous, almost to the point of queasiness. However the kiss now was amazing, no matter how slow and gentle it was, just like a lazy river, flowing with ease.

I encouraged him to go further, my tongue entering his mouth first, my hand deepened the kiss by pressing the back of his neck into me. However, he just kept the same tempo, not speeding up or deepening, although he couldn't resist using his tongue.

I felt my eyes droop shut as I eventually slowed down too, letting the river take me wherever it wanted. I still craved the passion that happened last night, but this kiss, no matter how awake it made me feel, made me relax. Magnus was so in control of everything: the speed and depth of the kiss, how long we took, the emotions that I felt. I was utterly powerless in his strong presence.

We eventually broke apart and I signed, touching my forehead to his, breathing in his scent. He did the same, before whispering, "I'm sorry."

"Why?" I said quietly trying not to kill the mood.

"I don't know. It just feels like the right thing to say," he paused. "Sorry for ignoring you, I thought it was what you wanted."

"I would never want you to ignore me."

He then groaned and pulled away, slumping against the cream wall with his chin on his chest.

"What is it?"

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"Then how do you feel?" I questioned him further.

"Confused."

"Confused about what?"

"Life, the universe and everything," he said melodramatically.

"Your gonna have ta be more specific."

"You. I'm confused about you." Magnus was being really whiney, which was unlike him.

"Still need to be more specific," I said, leaning against the wall next to him.

He stayed silent.

"You gotta tell me, I can change." What was wrong with me? Was I doing something wrong already?

"No no no, don't change. You are... perfect." He hesitated. "It's just that I've never been in this sort of relationship before."

"And what sort if relationship is this?"

"I don't know," he whined. "It's just all the other relationships have been all... ya know."

"Actually, I don't."

"They've been all sex-based. Well, not just sex, but a large majority of the relationship was about sex."

Well at least he was being honest.

I let my head drop against my head my chest as well. "Do you mind?" I finally asked.

"Mind what?"

"Us not being sex-based."

"I don't know," he said honestly. "No one knows about our relationship, do they?"

I shook my head. "Not Izzy, who I'd usually trust with this kinda stuff."

"That, I guess, is the one thing that I mind about us."

"I'm gonna come out-"

"And no, I don't mind about the not-sex thing. There is far more to life than sex, like glitter for instance." He grinned.

"Mm hmm." I didn't smile. I couldn't imagine being ready to come out of the closet, or ready to have sex. I could barely believe that we kissed.

I closed my eyes, ashamed. He then smiled sincerely and pulled me into his embrace. "We'll work it out, we will," he reassured me.

I smiled sadly, and he placed a kiss on the top of my head and I sighed.

"Err, Alec?"

I turned round sharply, and stared in horror at my little sister, who looked gobsmacked, embarrassed and confused all at once.

_Shit._

**Lol, cliff-hanger! If you want to know Izzy's reaction, review! The more reviews, the sooner I'll post.**

**Rexxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for not posting this sooner! I had geography homework on the one child policy, so I've dome quite a bit of stuff in Chairman Mao... as in Chairman Meow! Lol.**

Alec's P.O.V.

Shit.

This is bad. Very bad. I felt the explanations form in my mouth, building up inside me, but they never came out, as if I was tongue tied. Instead I heard myself croak, "I-Izzy, it's n-not what it looks l-like. I-I-"

She just stood there not saying a word, her mouth still hanging slightly open. Oh God, I knew I should have told her sooner about my sexuality. She was going to be so mad, either because I was gay, or because I hadn't told her about it.

Eventually she spoke, and she blushed. Actually blushed. I can't remember the last time I saw her blush, what Magnus and I were doing must have looked really intimate. "Err, sorry, I interrupted something. I just wanted to talk to Magnus for a sec... I guess it can wait..." She turned away and hurriedly walked down the hall. If I hadn't been so gobsmacked I would've run after her, but what would I tell her? That I wasn't gay? That I let boys hug me and kiss you on the top of the head all the time- oh wait, like that's any less gay. I turned to Magnus, who looked fairly relaxed about the whole situation, and even a bit amused. Amused! Did he really think my situation was funny? I'll show him funny...

"How is th-that funny?" I demanded.

"I never said it was funny."

"You're laughing-"

"That was the funniest reaction EVER!" He suddenly burst out. "I should've taken a picture-"

"This is REALLY bad. Izzy didn't know that I was gay, then she saw me hugging a guy that SPARKLES and that just kissed me!"

"Oh come on, she'll be fine about it-"

"No she won't! Did you see her face?! She's horrified, she's gonna tell mom..."

"Well, you're an optimist aren't you," he muttered sarcastically.

"She could've at least stayed to tell me what she thinks of all this, not running away. I mean, what if she hates me now? What if she gets the wrong idea about the even wronger idea? What if..."

Magnus placed a finger on my lips mid-sentence to stop my rambling. "She will come around, I promise." He pulled me into his embrace again, his hands placed lightly on my hips. "She'd better come around soon, or no shopping for her!"

I rolled my eyes. It was bad enough having one fashion-obsessed person in my life. Now I have two! But both of whom are dear to me, but that kinda made matters worse: I'll probably end up going shopping with them! Oh God, the HORROR!

* * *

"Izzy- Izzy!" I ran up to her after school after rudely explaining to Magnus why I needed to go. Izzy had been avoiding me since lunchtime, when she saw me and Magnus in a deep embrace. It felt really emotional to me- I could only imagine what it must have looked like to Izzy. We were in the parking lot, and we thankfully had to use the same car to get home so there was no way she was leaving without me. Mom would kill her then she would have to tell mom why she had left me, and that would include her telling our mom that I was gay. She wouldn't do that- would she?

"Come on Izzy," I begged, grabbing her arm, but she pulled herself away easily.

"Alec," she hissed. "Not now." She unlocked the car and then got in, slamming the door shut. I got into the car as well. Before she could start the engine, I started begging again.

"Izzy it really wasn't what it looked like-"

"Really, Alec-"

I interrupted her before she could come up with a cocky insult. "Izzy, please don't take this the wrong way, I don't want you to be like this. I thought that you would at least be happy, ya know, with me finding out who I really am and all that crap-"

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Her voice was cracking, her eyes shinning with tears. I really hadn't been expecting that reaction, Izzy barely ever cried in front of me, or in front of anyone for that matter. It made me feel so guilty... "I've known that you're gay for five years, since you were thirteen. And now I've found out for sure that it's true, but you never actually told me!" She said once she gathered herself. Her voice wasn't cracking like before, it was now angry.

"I'm sorry!" Shit, my voice as cracking too. "I didn't really know myself-"

"Are you kidding Alec? It was so bloody obvious! How you never looked twice at a girl. When mom asks if you've been into any girls lately you just shrug. When there's a poster of a male model and a female model next to eachother, you go and gawk at the guy-"

"OK, so what if I've noticed after everyone else? That doesn't mean that you can be mad at me." I was starting to get a little bit pissed now. Then my voice softened, and I pleaded, "What can I say right now so that you aren't mad me anymore?"

"You can tell me," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Tell you what?"

She just sat in a stormy silence, staring out of the window strait ahead. Then I realized what she meant.

"OK then, I'm gay. Happy?"

"I'm not unhappy," she said in a childish, sulky voice.

There was a short silence where none of us moved or said anything. Then she finally asked, "So this Magnus Bane... you're into him right?"

I nodded. Could it be any more obvious?

"Ya know, I don't trust him," she said thoughtfully.

"Izzy, you can't just not trust someone just because they are just as - or even more- fashion obsessed than you."

She didn't laugh. "It's not that, it's just that he got a reputation for being a, ya know..." She searched for the right word. "Player."

"You think he's messing with me?" I asked in disbelief.

"I don't know, maybe. He could just be using you..." She looked for a second at my confused expression."To some people, love- or whatever you want to call it- is just a game. And sex is the prize..."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't believe what I what hearing.

"Look, I'm not saying that that's the case with Magnus, I may be completely wrong. Magnus could be a great guy, perfect for you, but I have much more experience with boys than you do. If you're going up against someone like him -who in my case were just using me- then you need to have a thicker skin in these types of things. Suddenly jumping into this with next-to-no experience is kinda a bad idea."

I stayed silent this time. It was my turn to sulk.

"Alec," she said, her voice full of concern. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

She started the car and we drove home, a stony silence surrounding us, only broken by the occasional sigh from one of us.

He couldn't be using me- could he? He was so gentle and... kind. He was understanding, unlike most people would be towards other kids in my situation. I was so lucky. Maybe too lucky. I could just be the punch line of a massive joke he and his friends were playing on me. Ugh- I am thinking way too hard about this. The thoughts were just whirling round my head, questioning everything I think.

As soon as Izzy pulled up in our driveway, I immediately jumped out of the car, slamming the door loudly behind me. I couldn't take her shit anymore. She couldn't be right about Magnus. She was definitely wrong, she had to be. What else would I have then? It'll be just me, and my future. For some reason, I wanted Magnus to be in that future. I wanted him to be with me while I did something with my life, I didn't just want to go to college, get a good job, earn lots of money and all that stuff. It would mean nothing to me if I didn't have anyone to share that future with. Magnus, even though I barely knew him, was definitely a possibility for that role in my life, but Izzy had just planted a huge, whopping seed of doubt in my mind. It was so frustrating.

I stormed up the stairs to my room and jumped onto my bed and placed my hands over my eyes. Ugh- why doesn't anything in my life go according to plan? Couldn't I have the one thing that was perfect? Not tainted like the rest of my whole goddamned life? Why did I have that bloody accident that totally fucked me up? Without it, I wouldn't have this gaping hole in my memory, I wouldn't always have the need to run and hide from everything that scared me. I wouldn't have enough sympathy to last a life-time. If I got punched every time someone said 'sorry' to me because of my accident, I'd have a lot worse than a nose-bleed. I'd be dead. Sometimes I even wish I was dead...

Yep, I was definitely over-thinking this. I could never kill myself- I'm not brave enough. Or not cowardly enough, depending on how you look at it. I'm not brave enough to go into the afterlife and I'm not cowardly enough to leave this life.

I could feel tears building up behind my eyes. No I won't cry, I won't...

Tap ta-tap tap. Tap tap.

I sat up strait on my bed and turned my head round to the window, shocked by the sudden noise coming from my window. It was dark, almost black outside, but there was a dark figure outside my window. My heart hammered in my chest, I felt adrenaline stirring in th pit of my stomach. Why the fuck was someone outside my window?

"Hello?" I called out.

"Hey, err... Alexander, it's Magnus. Let me in... I err... need to get in... I'm gonna fall..."

"No!" I exclaimed. "Why are you outside my window?"

"Ya know, it's... romantic? In Twilight Edward came into Bella's room at night to watch her sleep, and she didn't really find it peverted or creepy," he said lightly.

"Do y-you have a good e-excuse? 'Cause your gonna need it if you want me to let you in."

"I do have an excuse, though wether it's good or not you'll have to judge for yourself..."

**Let me know how it was, reviews please! Pwetty, pwetty pwease?**

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	11. Chapter 11

**I've done a lot in Alec's P.O.V., but half way through the chapter I'm switching to Magnus' P.O.V. It is so fun to write inside his head!**

**Enjoy this unusually long chapter!**

Alec's P.O.V.

"Magnus," I stage-whispered sternly, then I breathed out a sigh of relief. I thought that the guy at the window would be a robber or something like that. I opened the stiff window, allowing him to gracefully swing himself into my room by the curtains, landing lightly on his feet with his back to me. I was surprised that he didn't rip the curtains because he was so tall, but the curtains didn't even creak. He studied the room, looking around, sniffing as if he was a cat. He was probably smelling my fear- wait, it's dogs that can smell fear, and he's more cat-like. Or can cats smell fear too...?

"Nice room," he commented, obviously just being kind because my room was horrible and scruffy. "It's very... you. Ya know, dark, sexy-"

"Why. Are. You. Here," I demanded, an annoyed tone to my voice, though I as actually delighted that he was here.

"I told you, just being romantic." He smiled sweetly. God, I hate the way I forgive him every time he smiles like that. Though the whole innocent thing that he was playing up wasn't quite working. What he was wearing was anything but innocent. He was wearing something different to his clothes earlier; the spikes were gone from his hair and it was loose and fell down level with his jaw, but was still full of black glitter. He wore a black, sleeveless top with the word 'NO' written on it in bold, white letters. I never really saw before -because he always was wearing a jacket or something- but Magnus had really defined arms, not big, bulky muscles, but smooth, lean ones. He wore a pair of ripped skinny jeans that made his legs and hi butt look so... perfect. He was definitely not innocent-looking.

I struggled to keep a scowl on my face. "Really Magnus, I'm being serious. Why are you here? Not that I don't want you here. I do, kind of. Well, not really..."

"I can go," he said, making for the window.

"No," I suddenly said, unable to contain how much I wanted him to stay. "I do want you to stay, and if you're gonna leave, it'll have to be out the front door. I don't want you to get hurt climbing back down. My room is actually really high up."

"Aww, your so sweet," he cooed, grinning. "You're worried for me, I understand. But I assure you, I am superhuman, I can do practically anything. How else do you think I get looking this good?"

"Magnus, you are not leaving through the window."

"You're mom is downstairs, I can't go down there or you'll have a lot to explain."

I just shrugged.

"Does that mean you have me trapped?" He teased, leaning in to me.

I shrugged again.

"Yay!" He exclaimed. "If there was anyone I'd rather be trapped by, it would be you," he said with mock sincereness, with his hand over his heart.

I finally gave in, and smiled a little. "Trapped? My mom will probably go soon to work, otherwise h wouldn't be here this early.

"Unlikely, she's got a date 'round tonight."

My jaw dropped. "What? My mom's got a date?"

"Mm hmm." He looked so proud of himself.

"But... but she was by herself in the kitchen," I protested.

"So does she wear backless dresses showing way to much cleavage on a daily basis? And who is that smart looking thirty year old wearing way too much man perfume with the fancy car? And does your kitchen always look that posh?"

I looked out the window and sure enough, parked in our driveway was a cherry-red sports car of some sort. "You can talk, your car is fancier than that."

"I may have out-car-ed him, but I don't think anyone could wear more man perfume that him. I wonder what your mother sees in him. And I wonder how she can see at all. That amount of perfume must make her eyes sting-"

"Shh." I held up my hand, successfully silencing him. Yep, I could hear my mom's voice and a male voice coming from the kitchen. "Why didn't she tell us?" I wondered. Well, I didn't exactly give her a chance to tell me, as when I entered the house I made it very clear that I was in a nd mood. It's no wonder that she didn't tell me.

"Don't ask me."

"Right, back on topic, why are you here?" I said, my voice raising to a stage-whispered shout.

"Don't you like my being here?" He asked, pouting.

I sighed deeply. "Just answer the question."

"I wanted to see you Alec, isn't that a good enough answer?"

A few moments paused while we both were just staring each other in the eye. Not harshly, but directly. I couldn't help but wonder if the question was rhetorical or not. Should I say no, o not to seem soppy and all loved-up, or would that hurt his feelings? Don't be stupid, I told myself. I'd have to work a lot harder than that to hurt his feelings.

Then I finally said, "Ya know, that's the first time you've called me 'Alec'. Not Alexander."

"So it is," he said simply, taking one step towards me, so our bodies were almost touching. He reached out a hand and placed it on my cheek, gently but with his whole Palm, and slowly slid it down my neck so it rested on my shoulder. He looked deep into my eyes, scanning them with his own. "You fascinate me Alexander. You are different from anyone else I've-"

"Been attracted to," I finished for him. He gasped, pulling his hand away from my shoulder. I just then realized what I said. "Sorry, I-l-"

"What made you say that?" He asked, a glint of hurt could be heard in his voice.

Oh dear. "It's just th-that... if heard things..."

"From who?" He demanded. It was now his turn to get pissed.

"Izzy," I said, mentally slapping myself for snitching on her. "She just told me stuff that she heard from other people."

"Who other people?"

"I don't know," I said in a small voice.

"Hmm," Magnus grunted thoughtfully. He walked over to my bed and sat down and rested his chin on his hands. "I guess I can't say that I don't know what people at about me. And I can't say that they're wrong." He then looked up to me, his green eyes pleading. "But anything anyone else says about you and me is wrong, 'cause I haven't told a single soul. No one else knows, apart from Izzy."

I didn't say anything, I just went and sat next to him on my bed.

"I fully understand if you don't want to be with me, because of what you heard. I mean, I wouldn't want to be with me if I were you, if the only knowledge of me I had was of what other people thought of me-"

"I do want to be with you, but this is the first relationship that I've ever been in. I don't want it to go to waste-"

"Alexander, I'd never want any of our time together to go to waste. None of the time I spend with you is wasted time. I know things have moved quite fast, for you, not so much for me. We can take it as slow as you want. What I want from you is not what you think, I want to get to know you. I'm fine if we're just friends."

I nodded, and almost unintentionally leaned into him and placed my lips softly on his.

* * *

Magnus' P.O.V.

I've been lying a lot recently. First I lied about the reason I was -let's call it spying, on Alexander. I had kinda made it my new pass-time, stalking Alexander, ever since my 'chat' with Raphael I've been freaking out about everything, not just being with Alec. I always had the feeling that someone was watching me when I was with him, but that was probably just paranoia.

Secondly, I lied about being OK with us just being friends. I wouldn't survive just being friends, I could barely survive being with him now, but I didn't want to push him too far so he wouldn't like it. For the first time in any relationship, I actually wanted the other person to be happy. I cared about what he thought of me, though I tried my best not to let it show and be my normal, flirty self.

As much as he was inexperienced and thought that this whole relationship thing was daunting, I was frigging terrified! I had never felt this strongly towards someone, physically and emotionally.

When he implied that he thought I was, to be blunt, a slut, I thought maybe he doesn't feel the same way if he doesn't trust me and listens to what other people say. Maybe I am the only one feeling this way, and because it's his first time he doesn't know how he should feel towards me. Then he said that he didn't want any of our time together to go to waste, so he couldn't be that uncomfortable with me. But he did say that as if we only had a limited amount of time, and we'd eventually run out of time together.

Then he kissed me.

It was slow and soft, not what I was used to. He was inexperienced and not as exact as the other people I've been with, but he gave it his all, which for me was more than enough. Way more than enough. I slid both of my hands up the back of his shirt, exploring his surprisingly cold skin. I wanted more than anything to rip his shirt off, to see what was beneath the dark material. I felt oddly happy about the fact that I was the first person to touch and kiss him in this way. But it also put pressure on me; would he like it? What if he didn't like it?

His cool hands slid up my back as well, which made my moan a little, craving the touch that I had been seeking all day. Then it struck me: we've only known each other for a week. How could this have happened so fast? I thought in wonder. He's gonna want me to slow down soon, but I won't be able to. I really can't control myself when I'm around him.

I felt myself go hard as our tongues battled for dominance, teeth and lips clashing. And was it just my imagination, but did he just go hard too? I smiled a little against his lips, then tore mine away from his. He wimpered disapprovingly, but then I moved my lips to his neck, biting and sucking on the skin there. He moaned, a sound that I was delighted to hear.

"Magnus..." He whispered.

"Yes darling?" I pulled back.

"I...I-I don't..."

"You don't... what?"

"Don't leave me anytime soon, ok?"

"What makes you think that I would?"

"You'll think I'm disgusting," he whispered, looking down at his hands that were now resting in his lap, absentmindedly fiddling with his cuticles.

"Why would I think you are disgusting?" What the hell was he on about? "You're beautiful."

I leaned in to capture his lips again, but he turned his head away. "I am disgusting," he said, even quieter this time.

"Where is this coming from?" I was seriously getting more and more worried.

He stood up, and still whispering he said "You really don't want to be with someone like me."

I stood up as well. "What do you mean, 'someone like you'?

"I'm not... normal."

"What planet are you from? Do I look normal to you? And why would I date a normal person? Normal people are boring."

"Not just kind of normal, I'm just... I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why are you making a fuss about this?"

"I do know, I just don't really, particularly want to tell you right now."

My voice softened. "You can tell me anything. Well, not anything, but you can tell me most things."

"This isn't most things."

"Why won't you tell me? What's the worst that can happen?" I then started to make a long list of things that Alec wouldn't want to tell me: he might actually be a girl, he might be twenty-six years old, he might be allergic to sandalwood, he might be a spy for the British government, he might be a vampire, he might be able to read minds (well if he could, he wouldn't like what was in my mind;D), he might be part of the secret police coming to arrest me for being too awesome, he hate lip gloss, or even worse, he might hate sparkly things! If he did, he was right, he really wasn't normal. He would be on the abnormal side of the abnormal if he didn't like sparkly things.

"The worse that could happen is if you leave me."

"Well you aren't exactly with me are you."

He seemed confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well let's put it this way, we haven't labelled our relationship yet, have we."

"Oh, you mean like... boyfriends?"

"Don't worry, we don't have to label our relationship just yet, not if you don't want to." I REALLY wanted him to be my boyfriend, and vise versa. But as I said before, I wanted him to be happy, and at the moment he obviously wasn't.

"I don't know what I want," he said thoughtfully. "Can't we stay this way, for now?"

"As I've said before, you can't stay in the closet forever."

"I will come out, well Izzy now knows."

"One down, a gazillion more to go," I said gleefully, trying, and failing, to lighten the mood. "Ok, let's not talk about this now. I'm not going anywhere, you're not going anywhere and no one is going to disturb us. It's an ideal situation that won't be repeated often. I don't know about you, but I'm gonna make the most of it."

This time when I leaned into him he didn't pull away, he just stayed very still as I tasted his lips. I slid my tongue along his bottom lip, begging for entrance, but he denied any access. Both of our arousals were long gone, and I tried my best to pick up the mood. I pushed him back into the bed playfully, our lips separating again. He fell back onto the bed, his head falling onto the already creased duvet. Before he could get back up, I brought my lips down onto his neck, sucking on the already bruising hickey, earning a -well deserved- moan from him. Wasting no time, I quickly ripped my shirt off, and I pulled his shirt up over his head. I had learned my lesson, if I spend too much time with his shirt on, it'll never ever come off. We always manage to get interrupted before we get to the taking off the shirt stage.

As I discarded the unwanted shirt onto the floor, I took my time to marvel at his muscles. Damn, that boy worked out! I traced my fingertips along his prominent six-pack. But he then sat up so that his face was level to my stomach, and put his hands over his shoulders, covering his chest.

"I-I don't want you t-to see me," he whispered.

"Why?" I wondered, bemused. "Your perfect." He really was perfect, with his pale skin spread tightly over his muscles and bones, the splatter of dark hairs below his navel and below his chest. Alexander then unfolded his arms slowly, resting his hands on his knees, me kneeling between his legs. "I don't see what..." Then I saw them, cutting through the flesh on his chest and across his shoulders. There were more, interrupting the paleness of the skin on his back with angry, grey-coloured strikes. They were scars, all about the length of a pencil, and raised up on his otherwise perfect skin. There were nine lines that I counted, two on his right shoulder, one on his left, one creeping down his left arm, two on the front of his chest and three across his back.

So this was what he meant by me being disgusted by him, though that was hardly what I felt for him. I was only disgusted by whatever had made those harsh lines in my Alexander. What happened? It must have hurt like hell, or even worse...

"Oh Alec..." I whispered.

His hands crawled back up to his chest, and he let out a stiffed sob, trying to hold back tears, but one escaped, running down the side of his cheek. I bent down and kissed the tear away. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face into the material of his grey jeans as he struggled to calm his breathing down, sucking in a few quick breaths. We stayed still like that for a few moments, before I finally asked, my voice as soft an as comforting as I could make it, "Alexander, what happened?"

He shook his head, as if ridding himself of unwanted thoughts. "I don't remember."

"You must remember something, who or what did this," I pressed on, needing to know more.

"No, I-I really can't remember anything. My, err, accident happened about a year ago, and the only memories I had b-before that were of me when I w-was about f-fifteen."

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded. "You lost some of your memory... You mean, you woke up an You thought you were fifteen again?" It sounded like a stupid question, but I really had no idea.

"Not really, my memories of then are just like how you remember when you were fifteen, slightly blurry and distant. My life since then just seemed to have disappeared completely. Just wiped cleanly away from my mind. All the faces, everything. Sometimes Izzy will accidentally say 'do you remember when...oh sorry, you don't.' She really doesn't know what losing two years of your life is like." His voice cracked, more tears escaped from his shining eyes that were a heart-breaking stormy blue colour.

I pulled him into my chest and let him sob there. "Shh, thank you, thank you for telling me. I am so sorry..." I was lost for words as well, and my voice was cracking and vulnerable. I couldn't help it, Alexander was the last person on earth to deserve this pain, or lack of pain I should say.

He continued sobbing. It would have been awkward if I were with someone else, but I was too shocked to feel anything but a hazy cloud of sadness, anger, sympathy, and surprisingly, loneliness. I felt like we were alone in this. Together, but alone. Just the two of us in a world that wasn't as accepting as we would have liked.

"You are wrong Alexander," I stated boldly once I trusted my house not to crack. "You are beautiful. You wouldn't be beautiful without all of you." I bent down and kissed the scars on his shoulders and the one on his are.

"You keep telling me I'm beautiful. How can you say that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have you looked at yourself? No one on this planet can compete with that..."

"That's your opinion."

"But it's a fact," he said thankfully smiling, even though it as a small smile.

"And that's your opinion. You are perfect to me." I smiled warmly down him.

So we lay in each other's embrace, clinging to each other like there wasn't anything else in the world. An there wasn't anything else in th world, or anything that mattered anyway. He quickly fell asleep, his mouth open and was lightly snoring. It as so cute, and perfect. If only that moment would last forever. It was just too good to be real life, but even when you're dreaming you always have to wake up...

**These guys are so cute! Review please, lurve hearing from you!**

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	12. Chapter 12

Magnus' P.O.V.

My eyes cracked open to see a peaceful Alexander lying topless next to me, his prominent six-pack rising and falling as he breathed softly. I was on my back and he was on his side with his head level with my bare chest. He was lying on one of my arms, his eyes closed and in a deep sleep. I smiled at his beauty, how perfect he was, then my eyes wondered to the scars scattered over his upper body. I still couldn't believe that he didn't know what, or who, had caused them. Whoever they were, they would pay for what they did to him.

I snapped out of my reverie and carefully slid my arm out from underneath him, so not to wake him. Luckily, he didn't even stir he was such a heavy sleeper. I grabbed my shirt and hurriedly pulled it over my head.

I tip-toed over to the window and looked out: the sun hadn't even risen, and all I could see was a bottomless darkness. There was no way that I was going to climb down there in the darkness, in my sleepy state, and kill myself in the process. So I tip-toed as lightly as I could over to the door and opened it slowly, wincing as it creaked and slid through the tiny gap I had made for myself, and I found myself facing a stormy looking Izzy.

"Damn," I cursed myself, looking away from her as I felt her dark stare fix in me. She was wearing a tiny pair of hello kitty shorts and a sleeveless, pink top. Her arms were crossed over her chest and an angry expression fixed on her face.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice cold and harsh.

"I err..." for once I was lost for words, I was unable to come up with a witty remark, as I was completely shocked by Izzy's tone of voice. This was nothing like the bouncy, flirty Isabelle that I was used to.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She looked me up and down. "Did you two have sex? I heard voices last night, but I thought that it was Alec sleep talking-"

"No no, don't worry, we didn't have sex," I reassured her, but her angry expression didn't change. "We just talked, and kissed a little, and slept-"

"If you hurt him in any way, if you force him into doing something he doesn't want to do, if you get him into trouble, if you break his heart, I'll kill you," she threatened in a low, steady voice.

"Isabelle, the very last thing I want to do is to hurt your brother. Yeah, I know I'm not right for him, he deserves more, but I'm selfish and I want him. I don't want to want him, but I do. I can't promise much, but I can tell you that I won't hurt him intentionally. Ever."

Her expression remained the same. "Get. Out."

So I got out.

* * *

I hadn't used a car to get to Alec's place, so I found myself wondering alone in the dark at about 5 in the morning. Not many lights were on in the houses opposite, so the only light provided was the light from the half moon and the dim lamps that lined the pavement.

"Magnus," I heard a singing voice call out from behind me. I knew that voice. I swerved round, but I couldn't see anything. "Up here, silly."

I looked upwards to see Camille crouching on the branch of one of the trees that lined the road. She wore here white-blond hair in a messy bun and her signature blood-red lipstick. I couldn't see clearly what she was wearing, all I knew was that it was black and clung to her curves in all the right places.

"Camille? What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you of course," she said in her delicate, innocent voice.

"Here for me- oh, you mean you're watching me." I knew that Raphael would send someone to watch me, of course it would be Camille.

"Uh huh," she nodded. "But watching you makes me sound bad. Think of me as looking after you."

"Have you been spying on me all night? Out here?"

"Yes, I have been looking after you all night. And I am here now to find out why you were at Mr. Blue-Eye's house."

"I was there to make sure that no one like you would be watching him."

"Oh no, people like me aren't interested in people like him. I'm not watching Mr. Blue-Eye's anyway, I'm looking after you."

"Why doesn't Raph- er, why doesn't he truly me on this? I won't say a word."

"Your actions say otherwise," she sang.

"What actions?"

"Going to Mr. Blue-Eye's place, spending the night with him. You two are getting too close. What R said about you not saying a word about us to him basically meant don't get to close to him on a personal level."

"Who said that I was in there getting close to him personally? For all you know, we got close in a much more sexual way-"

"Oh please," she scoffed. "There was no way that closeted virgin would have had sex with you. Ya know I have been looking after him as well. I do have two eyes-"

"Why do you have to watch both of us? I gave R my word!"

"If you weren't close to him I wouldn't have to bother. Believe me, I have way more things that I'd rather be doing then helping R."

"You could just tell him that you are watching me, but then not watch me." I said this even though I knew that it wasn't true.

"Darling, you know just as well as I do that even the person watching is being watched. There's no way out, unless if Mr. Blue-Eyes suddenly drops dead-"

At her words I suddenly tensed up. "Dead? Alec's not in any danger is he? Oh shit, oh shit-"

"The only person who can determine if he's gonna live or die is you my friend. But another thing R may have left out is that if you blab about us, you might die as well..."

I was still panicking about what she had said about Alexander. "Oh shit, Alec had better not be in any danger. Should I keep seeing him? Or should I just leave him? No, he'd just follow me, and that would hurt him so Izzy would come and assassinate me-

"OK, you are boring me with your moping and rambling, go away," she said dismissively.

I stopped talking. "Fine then," I huffed and started walking away. The sun had just peaked out over the buildings, casting an orange dawn glow into the sky, lighting the road ahead of me.

"Remember, I'll be watching you Magnus!" I could tell that Camille was enjoying this whole undercover spy thing, as well as stalking people. Typical.

The perfect morning was turning into a really shit one. First, Isabelle would kill me if I left Alexander, then Camille suggested that I leave him so neither of us will end up dead. But even with all this crap happening, just thinking about Alexander made me smile. I would go through this if in the end we'd still be together. Isn't that really all that mattered?

I really didn't know what to do. I could never leave him, not now. I'd break inside, and I'm pretty sure that he would too. I'll just have to be careful, even though I was being careful before.

I was suddenly shocked by my phone's jazzy ringtone, buzzing in my pocket. Who would be calling me at 5:30 in the morning?

I took out my phone, it was Izzy calling. Uh oh, I did not like where this was heading. I answered my mobile, silencing my annoying ringtone. "Hello?"

"Magnus," she said, her tone of voice not angry, but panicked. "When you left our house, did Alec say anything about going anywhere before you left?"

"Nope. Why?"

"After you left I tried to get back to sleep, but I couldn't, so I went to see if Alec was awake, and... and-"

"And what?"

"He's not here, I can't find him..."

**All I can say is review. I lurve feed back and stuff! Lurve ya!**

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	13. Chapter 13

**Thanx so much for the reviews you guys! Here's your reward!**

Alec's P.O.V.

I felt myself become conscious as light filtered into my room from the crack between the curtains. The memories flooded back to me from the night before; Magnus was in my room while I slept, I confessed my problems to him... I already felt ten pounds lighter after that, as if it was a lot of pressure to tell someone about it. I smiled at the memory, but as I opened my eyes, my smile faded. I was alone in my bed, alone in my room, with the duvet covering me instead of Magnus' embrace. Why did he leave without telling me? He didn't even wake me up, and he didn't leave me a note or something. Wait, why was I expecting a note? I mean, a note would take time to write, and leaving someone a note, after kissing them, would be romantic. Our relationship probably wasn't romantic in his eyes, I didn't even know if I found it romantic either. After all that happened last night, I still wasn't sure if we were on the same page, I still doubted him.

Was last night even real? I was just too good to be true; I confessed what had been worrying me this whole time, and he more than accepted me. It had to be a dream. However, I then saw a little sprinkle of black glitter on my pillow and on my bed-sheet. I smiled again, last night was definitely real. The glitter must have been from his hair or something.

I stretched my arms out and yawned deeply before sitting up in my bed, then tossing my duvet sheets off my body I stood up and wearily walked over to the window. When I drew the curtains my room suddenly filled with the fresh, morning light, making me squint. I looked out of the window, down onto the pavement below to see if Magnus had left only a dew moments ago, however, there was nothing but the odd car driving past. I opened the window, hoping that the cool air would wake me up even more. It was Saturday, so I had a whole day of doing whatever I wanted. This was a new experience for me because I had more options than I would usually have. I'd usually spend the whole day sketching with charcoal, but now I had the option of seeing Magnus again, which I really wanted. I also found myself wanting to do something outside, rather than mope around indoors as usual. Wow, Magnus has really changed me.

As I walked over to the chest of drawers to get some clothes, I caught sight of my reflection in the full length mirror by my door. I could see all of my scars, ugly and ragged. How could Magnus think that something like this could be beautiful? But then again, he is kinda strange, so he must have a kinda strange taste in people.

Once I got dressed into some black clothes, I then went to the bathroom to prepare myself for my homework-free day. I showered quickly and brushed my teeth, then I looked at my reflection again, smoothing back my ruffled hair. I had a strangely good feeling about today, and I didn't know why.

I went back into my bedroom, suddenly met by two figures knocking me off balance onto the floor, but I was too shocked to fight back. My heart was pounding painfully in my chest, adrenaline stirred in my stomach. One of the dark figures landed heavily on top of me, while the other pressed a sweaty palm over my mouth just before I was about to scream for help. But who would come anyway? Mom had probably left for work already, and did I really want Izzy to come? No, I definitely did not.

I tried to knock the fat guy off me, thrashing my legs around, then I felt his weight disappear. He yanked my arms behind my back and tied them with a plastic loop. The guy who's hand was over my mouth whispered in a menacingly low voice, "If you make a sound, say anything or cry for help, I will give you a reason to call for help, you filthy fag. You try to escape, and I'll have to knock you out, and boss wants you wide awake." He breath smelt of smoke and something rotten. His breath alone probably could knock me out.

He pulled the sweaty hand away from my mouth. "What the hell!" I started shouting. "Let me go you-"

Speaking was definitely a mistake. The fat guy pulled a cloth out from his pocket and placed a hand over his own mouth and nose, then pressed the cloth over my mouth and nose. I tried my best not to breath in, but my conscience had already left me.

LINEBREAKLINEBREAKLINEBREAKLINEBREAK

Ice cold water was tipped over my head, alerting every nerve in my body as if pins were stabbing me all over my body. I was sitting, slumped, in a posh, leather armchair which was surprisingly comfy, apart from the fact that it was now dripping with clod water.

My hands weren't tied anymore, but they still ached from the bonds earlier. My hair was plastered to my head, and my eyes slowly adjusted to the dark room, lit by a single, flickering ceiling light.

"Hello?" I called out into the darkness, hearing the room's acoustics soak up my voice.

There was no response for a few moments, then a calm, clear voice said "Hello, Alexander." I stood up and looked around the room to see where the voice was conning from, but I poorly adjusted eyes couldn't detect anything. "Please, stay seated," he ordered.

A man emerged from the darkness, he had a black hoodie and a pair of shades, so I couldn't see his face, but I could see his mouth move as he spoke. "Why a-am I here?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"You are here because you didn't keep your promise," he stated simply, giving away no emotions implying anger or annoyance.

"What promise?" I asked. I was really confused, I'd never even seen the guy before. I'm sure that I would remember someone like him, even if I couldn't see his whole face. His voice was memorable enough. "Who are you?"

He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry but co-operation is compulsory."

"I have no idea who you are!" I exclaimed. "Let me go!"

"Bronx," he beckoned, then the fat guy from earlier walked up to me and grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me away from the armchair. My legs were shot at first, but I managed to stay upright without immediately falling over. "Now, we know who you are, you know who we are-"

"I really do not know who you are-"

Suddenly, a fist came out of nowhere and made contact with my jaw. The blow was hard and fast, knocking my to the ground, the right side of my jaw throbbing painfully. I scrambled to my feet quickly, my hand cupping my abused jaw.

"Look, you've got the wrong person, I really have no idea who you are!" I tried to explain.

"Bronx, take his shirt off."

I tried to move away from 'Bronx' but he still managed to rip my shirt off, tearing it right down the middle, then casting it aside. Great, now villains can identify me because of my shirt.

Hang on, this whole thing didn't add up. If they know me, and they think that I know them, I must have met them from before my accident. But then how did he know about my scars, I didn't have any before my accident.

"Yep, I've definitely got the right person."

"Wha-"

"How do you think you got those scars, huh?" He asked the question as if I knew the answers.

"It was a car crash. But what has that got to do with anything?"

"Uh, boss," Bronx started in his low voice that made his sound really dumb. "I don't think he remembers us..."

"We've got the right person..." the hooded guy started.

"Look, I had an accident a little while ago and I lost a chunk of my memory. That's probably why I don't remember you," I explained.

"Wait, you said that the accident was a car crash." I nodded. "And that is how you think you got those scars?" I nodded again.

He and Bronx exchanged puzzled glances.

"Alright, fine. You don't remember anything so, umm... We'll let you go, but you must swear that you won't tell anyone about this. Not a soul, no one close to you. This isn't just a secret that you can whisper to your best friend. But you can go-"

Bronx interrupted. "Boss, are you sure? You can't trust his promise, he's not part of the gang."

"Oh don't worry about that, Alexander won't tell."

"What are you going to do about it? Kill me? That would be doing me a favour."

"Oh no, I wouldn't kill you unless it was really necessary."

"Then what will you do?" I sneered.

"Your sister, Isabelle is it? She is very attractive. See, I haven't had a good fuck for a while. You wouldn't understand, being so...bent."

The sneer dropped off my face, the warmth draining from it. "If you go anywhere near my sister-" I started in a threatening, gritty voice.

"Of course I won't. I may go for your Magnus instead. He would be less reluctant though, I would imagine. I've heard he's a good fuck. Not like you would know..." He grinned wickedly, though I couldn't see his eyes which made it look quite strange.

I stayed silent.

His expression was serious again. "Nothing will happen to either of them, as long as you keep that innocent mouth of yours shut."

I didn't say anything for a moment, but then I queeried "How do you know all this stuff about me?"

He tapped the side of his nose knowingly."If you still had all your memory you'd know."

That was helpful. "What was the promise I made?" I had to know, my old self seemed so different to me, as if he was a complete stranger. I'd never get involved with this kinda stuff. What was it that this guy did anyway? What even was his name? I got the feeling that he wouldn't tell me his name, so I didn't ask.

"You have no need to know," he said dismissively. "Bronx, take him back. I'm sick of the sight of him."

Bronx came up from behind me and placed the drugged cloth over my mouth and nose. Why the hell does he have to knock me out all the bloody time? I suppose then I don't have a clue where I am, or what the building looks like on the outside.

Great. I just revealed one of my biggest secrets to someone, and now it has been replaced by an even bigger one. How the fuck was I going to live like this? With difficulty.

**So review! Then I'll update faster! Lurve ya.**

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	14. Chapter 14

**After doing a more serious chapter, I wanted to do something more fluffy! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not TMI, not Malec, NOTHING.**

Alec's P.O.V.

"Jesus Christ Alec! Thank God! Oh my God, how- how?"

The fucking annoying voices just wouldn't let me sleep! Don't they know the meaning of "go away"? Even though my diction may not have been the best they must have known what I implied.

"Alec, wake up! Where we're you? We were so worried!"

I managed to find another pillow and I covered my head with it to mute the voices. They belonged to Izzy, and someone else... Magnus, that's it. Magnus... at the thought of his name, the events from this morning came back to me in fits and starts, piecing together like half-forgotten dreams. It was so surreal, but it definitely happened. Even my messed-up mind couldn't dream up something that vivid. I remembered _his _threats, what he would do if I told anyone about him. What was there to tell anyway? I didn't know his name, or where he was. No one would believe me. I only had a bruise jaw to show for it.

"Alexander," came Magnus' worried voice. It pained me that he was worried, but I was in no fit state to comfort him. "Darling, where have you been! We looked all over for you, then you just turn up out of the blue, with that horrible bruise on your jaw." I felt the mattress that I was lying on move as he sat next to me.

"Mmm," I groaned. "I just went for a walk."

"At five thirty in the morning?" Izzy said in disbelief.

"And came back with a bruise?" Magnus added.

"Wha time is it now?" I asked.

"10 o'clock. You're lucky we didn't tell your Mom, or call the police. We were about to-"

Still with the pillow over my head I said "I went for a walk because I wanted ta. I also walked into a wall, hence the bruise," I rambled, hoping that they'd believe my story.

"You went for a walk? In the dark? You don't like walking, or the dark!" Izzy exclaimed.

"I was feeling particularly morbid." That was the only excuse I could come up with.

Izzy turned to Magnus. "I blame this on you," she stated, pointing a finger at him.

He held up his hands in defence. "What did I do?"

"You left him-"

"Izzy, it's not his fault," I sighed into the mattress.

"I told him that if-" Izzy started angrily.

"Can't both of you go and sort it out else where? Or shut up. Your voices are way too loud," I whined, sitting up in my bed so I could see both of them. Izzy had almost no make-up on, just the beginning of her eyeliner routine. Magnus just looked the same as ever, about as modest as a peacock, which isn't modest at all. However, lines of worry creased his skin which weren't there before and his evergreen eyes seemed to have darkened.

"Ok, fine. We'll leave king Alec to his humble abode," Izzy huffed.

I lay back down on my bed. "Can Magnus stay here?" I was in no mood for being insensitive, and I still hadn't forgiven Izzy for what she said about Magnus. That being said, I was cautious about Magnus, always waiting to see if what Izzy said was true. But it couldn't be true, it just couldn't...

Izzy gave me a terrifying death glare which succeeded in thoroughly scaring me, then she formed out the room, slamming loudly, making me wince.

A few moments passed where Magnus and I just sat still. He looked as if he was weighing options in his head, and I just couldn't bring myself to look at him, as if the truth was in my eyes an if he looked into them long enough, he'd see everything I've ever kept secret, though only one of them he'll never find out. Never.

"So what really happened?" He finally said.

I sighed deeply. I knew it would come to this. "I've already told you the truth, can't we just let it go?"

"Then why did you send Isabelle out, but let me stay? You obviously want to tell me something."

"You think everything about me is so obvious, don't you," I snapped in a suddenly loud voice, still staring at the ceiling, never meeting his eyes. "Well, guess what? You are wrong."

"Ok ok, no need to get snappy. It's not my fault I care about you."

"Actually, it kinda is."

"No it isn't. It's your fault, for being so wonderful."

Shit, why does he always succeed in making me smile? Why?

"So..."

"So... what?"

"Where were you?"

"What I told you was the truth. Nothing more, nothing less." God I hated lying to him, but it wasn't for a selfish cause, or was it?

"Ok, why did you go for a 'walk'? From what Izzy said, you don't 'walk' that often."

"I... I just needed to clear my head."

"Isn't that always the case?" Magnus asked sarcastically.

"I-I needed to think about... stuff. You, me, us..."

"What about us?"

Oh crap. "I, er... I want us to g-go on a real d-date... in, er, public." I felt guilty for not actually thinking about this, but it must have been a good enough excuse. And to tell the truth, even though I was terrified of going on a date in public, where everyone could see us, I really did want to. I wanted to be close to Magnus and go as far with him as I would let myself.

"Are you asking me out?" He asked slowly, arching one eyebrow.

"Y-yeah," I mumbled. Oh God, what if he says no? What if he doesn't feel for me enough to do this?

He grinned, then said flirtatiously "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

As it turns out, even though it was I who asked him out, he chose where we were going, and even worse, it was a _surprise_. I _hate_ surprises. He was going to pick me up at around seven o'clock. I asked him what I should wear, casual or smart. He just said that I should go in my birthday suit, and after seeing the horrified look on my face, he finally said 'casual, but have no holes in your clothes, don't wear anything tatty.' That narrowed my options down to about two shirts, one pair of jeans and bare feet. I only had one pair of shoes: my tatty trainers, which were now caked in mud.

To my horror, the jeans were skinny jeans, Izzy had bought them for me a while ago an I never wore them. They were black, at least. One of the shirts was a button down white shirt (no way), but the other shirt was grey and showed some of my scars. So I weighed out which was worse, wearing white or showing my scars. I could probably see the scars through the white shirt, but that was better than the grey one.

I eventually chose the white shirt, but wore a dark jacket on top, and of course the skinny jeans. Although I wasn't really fond of them, I was sure that Magnus would like them. About the shoes, I just gave my trainers a thorough scrub, an in the end they didn't look too bad because they were black as well.

The clock read 6:45pm, so I went to the bathroom to give my reflection a last inspection; the bruise was just below my jaw line so it didn't look too bad. I had washed my hair earlier and it was slightly damp, but I wasn't worried about that. What I was worried about was where Magnus was taking me. I hoped that it would be something simple like a movie, or a restaurant, but knowing Magnus, it wasn't going to be that simple.

When I went back to my room, Izzy knocked a few times, then came in. She had a concerned expression on her face which slightly annoyed me because I was in a surprisingly good mood, given that I had a very eventful day. I could only hope that this long day would end well.

"Yes Izzy, come to dis Magnus some more, huh?"

"No, I just want you to be careful. You don't have to do everything he asks you to do..."

"I doubt _he_ will," I said blankly.

"But you don't have do anything you don't want to-"

"I doubt_ I_ will."

Then with absolutely perfect timing, the bell rang, and I shot out of my bedroom door and ran down the stairs, eager to see him. When I opened the door, I stared at him, surprised; his clothes weren't as bright as usual, he wore a plain, sea-green t-shirt and a pair of -of course- skinny, blue jeans. His hair wasn't spiked up and was loose, just the way I liked it, but it did have a little glitter in it. He did have some eye-liner framing his amber-green eyes, but not as much as usual.

He beamed at me. "Ready to go beautiful?" He asked eagerly.

"No," I mumbled, still staring at him. "Magnus, where _are_ we going?"

"I _told _you. It's a surprise."

"Gimme a clue."

"It's a prize."

_What?_ "What kind of prize?" I queried.

"A _sur_-prize."

"Oh my God," I said, but then I smiled. I was going on a date with the hottest, most beautiful guy in the world! I wouldn't have it any other way. "You are impossible."

"But you love it really," he said, smiling sweetly.

"Yeah I do," I said, giving up.

Just as I took a step out of the door, Magnus gasped loudly. "What?"

"Oh. My. God." His mouth was hanging open, smiling at the same time. "Those skinny jeans are _so hot!_ Your butt is _a-ma-zing!_"He sang, walking around me, his eyes fixed on the jeans. "I'm so proud of you!" He exclaimed, planting a big kiss on my blushed cheek.

"They were the only smart jeans I had," I mumbled.

"You should wear them more often- actually, no. Don't, or loads of people will be trying to steal my Ali-bear away from me!" He said, pouting. "Actually, wear them. Then everyone will be extremely jealous of my _super _hot boy... friend?" The smile dropped off his face. "Sorry..."

"S'ok," I mumbled, then I grabbed his hand and lead him out to his car before we stayed for another moment on that awkward topic.

* * *

When we arrived at our 'date' place, my mouth hung open as we both were standing in the threshold to a modern art gallery- an expensive one too! I couldn't believe that he'd be so thoughtful like this, seeing as this was completely in my interest, and I'd be surprised if it was in his. "Magnus, this is wonderful!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

"You know I'd do anything for my Ali-bear," he smiled, looking smug but genuinely happy that I was pleased with our date.

I raised my eyebrows. "'Ali-bear'? Seriously?"

"If you don't like it I'm sure I could find you another nickname. How about Ali...gator! Or Ali-pus. Or Ali-ant. Or Ali-fish-"

"No animals," I said sternly.

"How about... Ali-tree?"

"No. Way."

"There's just no pleasing my man, is there?" I glared at him. "And who's fault is that?"

"Yours."

"No, it's your fault," he teased.

"Ok, lets go in! This is great!"

It really was great. All the art was modern and there was such a variety of paintings and sculptures and all kinds of stuff! I was dragging Magnus around the gallery, from painting to painting. He did look interested, though I wasn't sure if he was just doing that for me. Anyway, this definitely was the best ending to my day, so far.

After a while, we decided to call it a day and head back to Magnus' place. My watch read 11:43pm. We had been in there for almost _4__ hours!_ It sure didn't seem like 4 hours. On the journey to his house, I couldn't help but wonder how far I've come in basically a week. I would never dream of holding someone's hand in a public place, even if there was no one that we knew, but it was progress. I was also comfortable with his presence. Well, I was actually more comfortable with his presence that I was with my own... I was getting more and more attached to him every day. It both excited me, and scared me. I was moving into uncharted territory (well, uncharted for me). But I decided to let the wave take me wherever it may, which proved to be a good thing. I had never felt so truly happy in my life.

**The second half of the date will continue in the next chapter. Until then, review! Or fav! Whatever you feel I deserve!**

**Lurve ya**

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	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys! Thanx for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer- ya know what I'm gonna say.**

Magnus' P.O.V.

I was so glad that Alexander loved the art gallery. I honestly had no idea where to take him, it had to be somewhere that he would be comfortable with, but still make a big impression on him. Then I remembered his phenomenal drawings, and I suddenly knew where he'd like to go, even though the tickets were so damn expensive! I didn't expect myself to enjoy it though, but seeing Alexander so happy filled me with a pleasure that I couldn't describe.

The very moment we entered my house he suddenly pushed me roughly into the wall, catching me off guard and I slid down the white wall and onto the marble floor, dragging him down with me. His soft lips crashed into mine messily, fast and desperate as if he was drinking water for the first time in weeks, though he'd probable be dead then, but you get what I mean. It felt quite strange with Alexander on top of me, taking the lead. Actually, it was strange being on the bottom at all, as I was used to being in control, especially with Alexander. It was a nice surprise- well, not _nice. _It was sexy- unpracticed, but sexy and so God-damn hot, largely because of the skinny jeans that made his butt look so perfect. I felt myself go painfully hard. _Magnus, what the hell? You used to be good at controlling yourself, and now look at you! _I silently cursed myself, I was so weak. Or so strong, depending on how you look at it.

I managed to stop myself from going any further, or we'd soon be shirtless in the cold hallway. I pulled away from him and gasped "Shall we move this to my bedroom? My father may come out of his study in search of milk duds, and I personally don't want to be interrupted by my own father." Alexander nodded, jumping up and yanking me with him without saying a word. We both rushed up to my room, which was now in a far better state that it was the last time Alexander was here. This time my desk was tidy, so I lifted him up onto my desk so he was sitting with his legs wide apart, with our arousals rubbing against each other. I couldn't help but wonder when he'd finally be ready to, ya know, go _all _the way. I knew for sure that when he was ready, I'd be unstoppable. He wouldn't be able to stop me once we got below the belt;)

I lifted him up off the desk, his legs wrapped around my waist. He was surprisingly light-weight for such a muscle-y person. I dropped him onto my bed and moved my kisses to his neck, sinking my teeth softly into the delicate skin there, earning a low moan out of him.

"Magnus," he breathed, winding his fingers into my hair, tugging at the long strands, pulling me closer into him. We then slowly pulled apart, and I felt myself getting lost in endless blue of his eyes, his dilating pupils, framed by his long, dark lashes.

"Ak-" I began in a whispered voice, but then I stopped myself. I just realized what I was about to say. The words _aku cinta kamu_ were just on the tip of my tongue, though I couldn't say it. Alec wouldn't want me to, even though he wouldn't know what it meant. _I love you._ But it was way too soon in our relationship to think about the four-letter L-word. Hell, we weren't even boyfriends yet. I'd shock him, and scare him away. It was funny how a simple word could either bring two people together, or rip them apart, how saying that word at the wrong time could result in a wound that time couldn't repair, our relationship would be tainted and we'd eventually grow apart.

I was also shocked that I was feeling this way for someone I haven't known for that long, that I got so quickly attached to him. Like taking drugs, once you start you have no choice but to keep going and hope that the dark tunnel would end someday, only with Alexander I never wanted to tunnel to end. I was hooked so much that I couldn't even dream of letting go.

Oh, how I wished I could say those words to him! I was afraid that they would one day accidentally fall off my tongue. I was so used to saying that phrase, just not in the same situation.

"Ak...?" he asked, a puzzled and slightly amused expression crossing his face.

"Er... yeah, ak," I randomly agreed.

He laughed a quiet, low chuckle, and planted a soft kiss on my lips. The kiss was slow and clean, no tongues or anything. It was also quite sad, as if he was trying to tell me something but couldn't say it out loud. Alexander pulled away, and gave me a small smile. I smiled back at him genuinely, not the usual smirk or grin that I always had.

"I-" he started to say then stopped himself. His gaze was fixed on something behind me, his eyes wide. I looked round to see what he was looking at; the window.

"It's a window," I joked, leaning in to kiss him again, but he put a hand to my mouth.

"No, sshh," he whispered. "Do you usually have someone spying on you through your bedroom window?"

"What?"

"There's someone outside your window."

"What the fuck..." I walked over to the window and slid it open, cold air sending goosebumps creeping along my arms. I looked out, and sure enough, someone was hanging from the window ledge by the tips of his fingers.

"Help... me-" he pleaded. "I'm gonna fall."

I grabbed him roughly by the back of his shirt and yanked him into the room. The boy was about my age, with dirty blond hair and a stubborn jaw line. I instantly disliked him, he looked like the kind of boy who had been good-looking since the day he was born, with an almost-permanent smirk on his face. I shoved him hard into the wall and kicked him in the stomach, making him cry out in pain.

"No! Please don't-"

"Magnus, stop," Alec commanded sternly, he was now standing behind me looking at the boy, perplexed. The stranger was now staring at Alec with a weird expression, a combination of puzzle, joy and recognition.

"Alec-" the boy began.

I kicked him again and he curled up into a tight ball, like a woodlouse. "Why the fuck are you here in my house? What is your name?"

He looked confused. "But- but... I thought you knew!"

"Knew _what_? Why would someone be on my windowsill..."

The it snapped into place, and I had an '_oh _moment'. The boy must be from Raphael's gang, someone who I haven't seen before. "I-I-" he stammered, reminding me of Alexander with his stammer, just on Alexander it was cute. "My name is... oh please let me go!" he begged.

It was odd having someone begging at my feet because they were scared of me. They usually be doing that because of... ya know... _sex_. _I better let him go, _I thought, _or Raphael will be really mad._

"All right, get out of my house!" I finally said.

"Magnus?" Alexander protested. "Aren't we gonna hand him into the police?"

"Alec!" The boy said as if he offended him.

"Wait," I ordered. "Do you two know each other?"

"What? No!" Alec exclaimed.

"Alec...?" the boy said again, his expression confused.

"How the hell do you know my name?" Alec asked, bewildered.

"What? Of course I know your name! I know what I did, I'm sorry..."

"OK, get him out," Alec said, and I grabbed the boy and pulled him over to the window.

"Alec! Alec please! I'm sorry-" he screamed.

"Please get him out," Alec pleaded, he was obviously distressed now so I pulled the boy harder to the window.

"Now, you can get out the window yourself, or I can push you out." I really enjoyed bullying this boy.

"Alec please!" He begged. "I love you-"

At that, I pushed the back of his head down and forced it out of the window. The boy reluctantly obeyed, and soon he was gone. I watched him as he scampered out of the driveway, away into the darkness.

I then turned to Alec. "What the fuck was that about?"

_Hell, he had _a lot _of explaining to do._

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	16. Chapter 16

**I'm _so_ sorry I haven't posted in so long. I had almost drowned in school work, and my own self pity... I hope that this (short) chapter will make up for my lateness. *hopeful eyes***

Alec's P.O.V.

"Magnus! I promise I have never seen him before in my life! I really don't remember." My voice sounded weak and helpless, begging for Magnus' forgiveness.

"Alec, I've already told you, I'm fine with it." He sounded tired, and was obviously upset with what had happened previously.

"No, you're not fine with it. I'd be upset if I were you."

Magnus was lying on his bed, his arms crossed behind his head and gave me a 'what-the-hell-are-you-on-about' look."What makes you think I'm upset?"

"Oh come on. In the middle of our date you find someone watching us from your window, and then he tells me that he loves me, and that doesn't upset you?"

"No," Magnus said sulkily. "Maybe. OK, yes it upsets me. But what can either of us do about it? You don't remember him, and you clearly don't want to remember him..."

"Exactly! He's nothing to me. He's part of a life that doesn't exist anymore."

Truth to be told, I did want to remember him, I had so many questions to ask the stranger who probably knew me more than I did. He was a piece of the puzzle that was my past, and maybe he could help me find even more pieces. I then found myself hoping that one day this gaping hole in my life would be filled in, and that stranger would help me do it.

"But that life does exist to him, how do I know you won't go after him?"

"You don't know, you'll just have to trust me." OK, maybe that was a lie.

"But you don't trust me. Well, not enough."

There was then a short pause.

"Can't we just go back to having a good time?" I finally asked.

"Of course," he agreed, smiling, but the smile didn't reach his eyes though.

I stepped up to him and took his face in my hands, almost blushing at my actions. "He means nothing. Trust me. I don't even remember his name, and he seems anything but familiar to me."

Magnus nodded, then pressed his lips to mine, almost forcefully. The kiss was rough and passionate, tongues swirling, teeth clashing. We were pressed so close together it hurt, but all love hurts right? The embrace wasn't what I would call pleasant, but the pain just made me want more and more.

But of course I eventually had to go home, which was the last thing I wanted to do. Literally, the very last thing.

* * *

School was tiring on Monday. I saw Magnus a lot of the time, but we never did anything publicly which irritated Magnus a little, and we were still awkward because of what happened on our date. And what was worse, I still couldn't stop thinking about the stranger at the window! I had this burning desire to know who he was, to know who _I _was. I looked all over school the whole week, looking out for that face that couldn't leave my mind. This made me feel really bad, Magnus should be on my mind all the time, but the thought of him just brought back memories of our date, and the boy, and _him. _I knew they were all linked, but I couldn't quite click all of the pieces into place.

I could tell that Magnus was in a bad mood, and I really couldn't blame him. When he asked me anything, I'd give him the shortest answer possible. He didn't say anything at first, he just gave me a sad look. Eventually, he did say something. It was after school, Magnus just appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me, pulling me around the outside of the school building. The place was deserted, no one could see or here us at all. I didn't know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing.

"Alright, _Alec. _Are you going to enlighten me on this matter, or are you going to stare into the distance, looking like you're day-dreaming about _prince charming?_"

His amber eyes seemed to glow with anger, which really creeped me out. I had never seen him this angry before. It was a mixture of anger, and sadness, which was much worse. Much, much worse. I hated seeing him like this. I also hated that I was the one causing his reaction, though I didn't think that I could stop myself.

I was going to say something meaningful, or apologize, but I could only feel sorry for myself. Sorry for Magnus, that he had to put up with me. Sorry that he was making such an effort for someone so messed up.

"Are you going to say anything, or are you just going to let your mouth hang open like a gold-fish?"

I hadn't realized that my mouth was hanging open. I closed it.

"I-I... you... I... I-" I stammered, unable to form any other words.

At this, his anger subsided and he went back to his sad face. "Sorry," I pleaded in a whispered voice.

"You owe me some sort of explanation," he stated, folding his arms over his chest, rucking up his shirt so I could see a little of his skin. This diverted my attention directly to his skin, which he noticed. In any other situation he would have smirked, or made a witty comment, 'like what you see' or something. But this wasn't just any other situation. Magnus just pulled his shirt down and gave me a stony stare. I didn't blush, surprisingly. I was too tired.

"Magnus... I've just been tired," I started, improvising my explanation. "Ya know, the weekend wore me out a lot. I promise I'll be back to normal in... less than a week."

His glare softened, and went back to pity, which was worse anger. But it was better than him being sad. "I'm sorry too," he said. "Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on you."

I nodded, and Magnus looked down to the floor, and then we were caught in an awkward, unbearable silence. It lasted for about ten seconds, then I placed my hand against his cheek. He looked up into my eyes. "Why do you put up with me?" I asked, smiling a little.

"Ya know, I don't really know." This made my heart twist sickeningly. He could have said that with a smile, he could be teasing. But he wasn't. He was honestly, actually, genuinely not knowing why he put up with me. _Great._

"Magnus..."

"What?"

_I love you. _That was what I wanted to say, but I couldn't. I didn't even know if it true or not. I didn't want it to be true either, which was strange.

Instead, I leaned into him and pressed my trembling lips against his. He didn't move. He didn't react. As if nothing was happening. Magnus put a hand against my chest, pushing me slightly away from him. "Alexander, sorry..." There were a lot of sorrys going on in this conversation. "I can't do this today. I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that, he spun on his heel and simply walked away from me. A bewildered, rejected, sad me.

All I could think was _what have I done? What am I doing? Why would he get so upset?_

**Review! Even though it was short, it was sweet... right?**

**Rexxx**


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